


One Day At a Time

by ClexaGriffin



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Best Friends, Blow Jobs, Doctor Clarke, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Flashbacks, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, G!p Lexa, Girl Penis Lexa, It gets a little sad, Love, Lust, Oral Sex, Protective Clarke, Protective Lexa, Sexting, Slow Burn, Smut, famous lexa
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-05-10 07:56:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 33,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14733000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClexaGriffin/pseuds/ClexaGriffin
Summary: Lexa pays the price of being a succesful, famous singer-songwriter when a certain person tries to harm her. Will Clarke help her out of this or will it put her 10-year relationship with Clarke in danger?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This chapter is only an introduction to this story, a little glimpse of their relationship before we get to the real storyline. I will update pretty frequently and I just hope you enjoy!

Red. Green. Orange. Red. Red. Red. Orange. Red. Red.

Clarke let out a deep sigh. Every traffic light seemed to be red tonight. After such a long day at work she couldn’t wait to finally get home and relax. It had been a tough day at work, the winter periods were always busier at the hospital somehow. But seeing Lexa always made her feel better after a day like this, even though they had barely seen each other this month because of their busy schedules. Luckily tonight they were both home although they didn’t have dinner together.

After another ten red traffic lights Clarke finally arrived home. She opened the front door, put down her bag and hung up her coat before looking around. Lexa was nowhere to find downstairs which was odd. 

“Lexa?” Clarke shouted and remained quiet to hear something.

“Up here!” A far distanced voice shouted back.

Clarke smiled tiredly, excited to finally spend an evening alone with Lexa. She walked upstairs towards the voice and opened their bedroom door only to find Lexa in bed, a book in her hands, smiling at her.

“Hi there.” Clarke said.

“Hey, long time no see.” Lexa smiled back and gestured for Clarke to come over to her. She followed the gesture to Lexa’s arms, pulling her into an embrace. Clarke let out the deepest sigh after feeling Lexa’s body heat against hers, knowing she always felt warm.

“Rough day?” Lexa’s voice was a little raspy.

“Yes.” Clarke sighed again and pulled away from her. Lexa watched her putting on her pajama pants and Clarke noticed she took a shamelessly good look at her legs before diving into her book again.

“Want to talk about it?” Lexa asked, not turning away from her almost unfinished pages.

“Not really. I’m glad I’m finally home so I don’t have to think about work.” Clarke chuckled lightly and finally settled next to Lexa, her head sinking into her pillow. The best feeling after a long day like this.

“But how was your day?” She asked after she noticed Lexa wasn’t responding.

“Hm? Yes, it was fine. I did some writing.” Lexa’s lips widened and curled, smiling. “This book is so interesting, sorry. I’m almost done reading it.”

Clarke had always loved that look. It was adorable the way she zoned out like that.

“Great that you started writing again.”

Lexa nodded and returned to reading again. In this position she didn’t look so stoic anymore. Only to the rest of the world she’d act like a tough, strong, maybe sometimes cold person, but Clarke knew otherwise. It was all in the eyes. The way her eyes would lit up sometimes warmed Clarke in unimaginable ways.

She looked at Lexa for another while and noticed she stuck out the tip of her tongue between her lips while reading and Clarke’s heart fluttered. This was a side of Lexa nobody else had seen but Clarke, and definitely something Clarke liked to see more often. She had really missed Lexa these last few weeks. They had barely seen each other because of their busy schedules.

Lexa turned the page quickly, not being able to wait longer for the next page and it made Clarke smile. She reached out and caressed Lexa’s long brown locks and they curled so snuggly around Clarke’s finger that she started playing with her hair.

Her thoughts wandered a little while longer and she stared at the brunette for a few seconds more. Her warm skin against Clarke’s. There was no hesitation when Clarke’s arms slipped to her waist, letting her head rest to Lexa’s chest.

“What are you reading anyway?”

Lexa waited a few seconds before answering.

“Keith Richard’s biography.”

“Who?”

Lexa locked their eyes quickly. “Uh, only the greatest guitarist of all times.” She said obvious.

Lexa continued reading and Clarke’s lips twitched at her words and the tips of them curled in a smirk, purely instinctual. Because of course it was a book related to music. She wouldn’t have expected otherwise.

Clarke only scooted closer to Lexa if even possible to get her attention. Her fingers searched and immediately found what she ached to feel, the warm, smooth skin beneath her fingertips, and then, intertwining their fingers.

“Will you tell me about it?” If there was one thing Lexa loved doing was talking about music and her books. Her passion would always lit up in her eyes and there was no other beautiful thing in the world.

“Now? I’m kind of reading, Clarke.”

Clarke left a trail of gentle kisses pressed to her cheek.

“I know.” She smiled. “What if you want to do something else than reading.” She continued placing little kisses on her cheek, making Lexa turn away from her book.

“Like what?” The hitch in her breath was so sudden and loud that it was almost too hard to miss.

“You don’t have a clue?” She laughed out and pressed a trail of light kisses just below Lexa’s jaw to distract her. She tried to get to the spot she’d been aching to feel today, her lips, but Lexa was struggling against it.

“Clarke, wait, just a few more min- Oh god.” A low whimper escaped her and Clarke smiled proudly as she kissed her sensitive spots.

“It’s been a while and I _really_ missed you today.” Clarke said low close to her ear and then kissed her earlobe.

Lexa whined a little. “I am literally at the most interesting part of the book right now.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. There was no way she’d let this one slip. Not today.

“Maybe this helps.” She said and removed her shirt in one quick movement.

Clarke knew her gorgeous big round breasts would get Lexa’s attention and like always, she was right. Lexa slowly put down her book on her lap and stared at the pretty pink nipples that were right next to her.

Lexa locked their eyes and scoffed.

“Ha, okay, I know what you’re doing. Guess what Griffin, it’s not working.” Lexa started reading again but once in a while she couldn’t help but look at Clarke’s beautiful breasts full on display. She knew Lexa was bluffing.

Clarke confidently climbed on Lexa’s lap, both legs on each side locked behind her and took the book out of her hands. It went way easier than she expected and Lexa remained silent, looking into Clarke’s eyes, totally surrendering to Clarke and she knew she made the right move.

She gently grabbed Lexa’s hands and placed them on her breasts, keeping her own hands on Lexa’s. She heard Lexa gasp softly and once again, Clarke knew it was the right move.

“Still not working?” Clarke raised an eyebrow, knowing Lexa was already sold by the time she took off her shirt.

Lexa scoffed and then swallowed loudly, focused on her breasts. “This isn’t fair.”

“No?” Clarke laughed and tangled her fingers in her long brown locks.

“ _God_ you’re sexy.” Lexa whispered and leaned a bit into Clarke to brush her lips against hers. She locked her arms around Clarke, keeping her in place and Clarke knew she got her way tonight.

Clarke gave her a grin before speaking. “So, I think it’s not fair to keep me waiting.”

The corners of Lexa’s lips curled up deliciously into a smile, eyes dark, when she leaned further into Clarke to replace her own hand with her mouth, taking Clarke’s nipple. Clarke was taken by surprise by the sudden movement and moaned softly, head arched back as Lexa kissed her way up and finally, _finally_ claimed her lips.

The feeling of Lexa’s lips against hers was something she’d never get tired of, she was sure. Just like the warm feeling in her chest, her gentle touches that she’d been aching for this whole day. She smiled, knowing Lexa would always, _always_ choose her instead of music or books.

She arched her head back again, giving Lexa more space to kiss her way down. And she did. She did eager as ever. Lexa made sure she didn’t miss a single spot and left two or three kisses more on her sensitive spots which send a shiver to Clarke’s spine, but only in the best way possible.

“Just to be clear, I’m reading the next chapter after this.” Lexa rushed out in-between open mouthed kisses and Clarke smiled because she knew Lexa didn’t mean a single word of what she just said. After all, Clarke decided they weren’t done after this. Oh no, Clarke had other intentions for tonight and there were definitely no books included.

“Sure, babe.”

“It’s the last chapter.”

“Okay.” Clarke moaned out.

“Keith’s so inspirational-“

“Lexa, shut up.” Clarke laughed out and she knew Lexa was just teasing her big time.

Clarke quickly reclaimed her lips, deepening the kiss and brushing her tongue against Lexa’s. She rolled her hips into Lexa as Lexa straddled her more firmly, groaning, and her finger twirled and wrapped around Clarke’s nipples, expertly drawing out a long and loud moan from Clarke. When she reached down for Lexa’s boxershorts and slipped a hand inside them, she wrapped her hand around her already hard shaft, making Lexa let out a throaty moan. They searched for each others hungry eyes and stared at one another for a while. Lexa was out of breath, her pupils blown and her pink lips were lightly bruised. Clarke only knew by her look she’d been aching for this, too.

“Somebody’s excited.” Clarke said cocky, brushing her lips against Lexa’s and tightening her grip around Lexa.

“Who’s Keith again?” Lexa asked in all seriousness.

Clarke’s lips curled into a smile and laughed.

“Stop saying ‘Keith’.” Clarke whispered before pulling Lexa in with another deep kiss. Clarke kissed her as if she’d been thirsty for her all her life.

And then Lexa whispered it, headstrong and almost inaudible, but it made Clarke laugh anyway.

“Keith.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter before we dive right in...

“Do you think this makes me fat?”

The next morning the two had woken up tangled up in each other, tired from the night before. Logical, after a night like last night (no books included).

Lexa stared at the blonde who had been looking at herself in the mirror for the last twenty minutes and then started laughing silently.

“Absolutely not.”

“That’s the right answer, but what is the truth?” Clarke asked mysteriously. She wasn’t necessarily insecure about her body. She used to be. Now she was just aware of her curves and had accepted them. Mainly because of Lexa she finally accepted her body, but that started years back. She was now proud of her body, like she should be.

Lexa got out of bed and stood right next to Clarke to take a good look at her via the mirror. She was wearing a beautiful black dress which she would be wearing to the Grammy’s soon enough. This year Lexa was not nominated for a Grammy. Only because she took this year off from her career, though she had started writing again a couple of days ago. The year before Lexa won three Grammy’s, such as ‘best song’.

“Clarke, come on, you always do this. You look beautiful.” Lexa said softly.

“I asked if I looked fat, not if I looked beautiful.” Clarke joked in a sassy way.

Lexa laughed and rolled her eyes. “I already answered that, too.”

“Yeah, well then, I’d better get out of this dress. I start working at 10.”

Lexa looked at her watch. “That’s in two hours.”

Clarke laughed and locked her arms around Lexa’s neck. “I know, Sherlock. I’m gonna take a shower. Wanna join me?”

Lexa’s hands were already wandering around Clarke and tightened her grip. “Why ask if you already know the answer?”

 

____

 

“I don’t know where you guys went wrong.”

 _“Yeah, well.”_ Octavia’s voice sounded on the other end of the phone.

“Did you see him at all this week?” Clarke asked before taking a bite of her apple.

_“No…”_

“O…”

_“What? We made it clear, we’re taking a break.”_

“But you promised you’d talk to him this week. You guys are still crazy about each other.” Clarke said desperate. She was still confused as ever when her best friend broke up with her boyfriend Lincoln last week. They had been together for years.

_“Sure.”_

“So?”

_“I need more than that. It’s not that simple, okay? Lincoln and I stopped communicating in our relationship.”_

“Uh, you communicated when you decided to take a break.”

_“Clarke, don’t fucking do this to me right now please. I just need you to listen.”_

“Alright, so talk.”

Octavia sighed. _“He’s never there, okay? He’s just too involved in everything except for me. Like his job, it’s driving me crazy, no offense to Lexa.”_

“None taken, I think you’re right.”

Ever since Lincoln became Lexa’s manager he got a little too involved in his job. They couldn’t really blame him, he had a busy schedule taking care of a famous person.

_“Do you? So why doesn’t he think so?”_

“I don’t know. But he’s devastated, O. Lexa and I have never seen him this way.

“ _He should be._ ”

“Look, talk to him about it.”

_“You think I haven’t tried that before? And right now he won’t stop calling me, it’s driving me mad. I wish he would’ve done that before the break up.”_

Clarke sighed annoyed. “Give him another chance.”

_“Are you out of your mind? I just want to be alone for a little while and think this through.”_

“Alright well… Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.”

_“Yeah thanks… So enough about my sad life. How’s work?”_

Clarke let out a soft chuckle. “It’s alright. A lot of patients coming in though. I’ll have to call Lexa to inform her I won’t be home for dinner again.”

_“See, even you communicate that.”_

“Oh stop it. I think I’m going to get back to work soon so I’ll talk to you later, alright?”

_“Sure Griffs. Thanks for letting me call you.”_

“Of course. Take care, okay? Bye.”

_“Yeah. Bye.”_

Later, when Clarke could finally go home that day, she had some trouble keeping her eyes open while driving. Not her proudest moment. She was always very careful, especially when it came to driving. Maybe because she lost her dad years ago in a car accident. It was terribly hard losing him, especially since he was her best friend. A shiver ran down her spine when she remembered how she found out about the accident. How couldn’t she remember? It was all over the news.

Twenty minutes later Clarke arrived home. She parked her car right in front of the garage. It was just the two of them, but they definitely could afford a big house, so they bought this house two years ago. It was perfect for them. It had five bedrooms, which were mostly used for music rooms or offices, a nice pool outside and a huge garden. You could definitely say they were happy with it.

Clarke slowly unlocked the front door. She knew it was late and guessed Lexa would probably be mad at her for coming home this late, even though she called Lexa earlier today to let her know she wouldn’t be home for dinner. She took off her shoes and tiptoed straight to their bedroom. There she found Lexa laying in the most adorable fetus position she had ever seen. If it weren’t for her tiredness she would have probably laughed.

Clarke changed into her pajamas and settled behind Lexa, her arm placed over her hip and her face nuzzled between her strong shoulder blades to keep herself warm. Clarke let out a happy sigh until she felt Lexa move a little and a whisper.

“It’s 12:30 a.m.”

Clarke sighed low. “I know, I know.”

Lexa turned around to face her, which was kind of difficult in the dark room.

“Clarke, you promised you wouldn’t be home too late.”

“No, I said I needed to finish up some stuff. And I did.”

“At midnight?”

“It was important. I’m free tomorrow so I had to do it today.”

“You’re a surgical resident. It’s an internship.”

“And? They consider me as a real doctor. People die if I don’t do anything.”

Lexa let out a deep sigh as they remained silent. She knew Lexa didn’t like it when she would work more than twelve hours a day. Or when she would come home in the middle of the night. Understandable, but everyone in the hospital considered her a doctor there. Patients didn’t just stop coming in because Lexa wanted Clarke to come home.

“Sorry I woke you up.” Clarke finally said.

“You didn’t. You know I can’t fall asleep when you’re not home.”

Clarke felt even more guilty now and scooted closer to Lexa, her head pressed to her chest. She knew that kissing Lexa’s ass would prevent her from staying mad at her. That’s why she gently stroke Lexa’s arms a few times, pinching gently onto her biceps.

“Have you been working out?” Clarke tried to tease but Lexa saw right through her.

“Clarke, quit it. I’m not in the mood.”

Clarke remained silent, she couldn’t sleep right now. Not with this on her mind. Even though her sleepiness was killing her.

“I’m sorry, baby. I love you…” Clarke tried again, kissing Lexa’s temple. She tried blinking her sleep away, but she couldn’t fight it anymore.

“Yeah, yeah, you too.” Lexa sounded irritated but at least she kind of said back.

“Let’s just sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow.” Clarke said sleepy, tightening her grip around her. The fact that Lexa let her do this without pushing her away was positive. She had a good chance of making this up tomorrow.

“Goodnight.”

“Yeah. Night.”

  



	3. Chapter 3

Their little fight two days ago was talked over and through. Clarke apologized in her own way for being late after work. A way that Lexa couldn’t stay mad at. A nice, homemade dinner and lots of sexual activities included. Typical Clarke. And right now she was all dressed up for their dinner date.  

She was wearing a classy red dress that accentuated the perfectly formed curves of her body, with just the right amount of cleavage (maybe a little too much in Lexa’s opinion). Her hair was down in waves and she was just about to put on some heels that fit the red dress.

“Wow, Clarke. You look amazing.” Lexa froze as she entered their bedroom.

Clarke smiled. “Thanks. And you- You should probably change.” Clarke said as she put her arms around Lexa’s neck and gave her a lingering kiss.

“Thanks.” Lexa laughed. “Maybe cover it up a little bit?” Lexa tried, pulling her dress up to hide more of Clarke’s cleavage. Just like she predicted.

Clarke rolled her eyes as she let Lexa have her way. She knew Lexa didn’t feel comfortable when men would stare at Clarke’s breasts, especially paparazzi.

“Fine, fine. So how was your day?”

“Thank you. And good. I did some writing again today.” Lexa said as she changed into something more fancy like a blouse and black jeans. And god, did she look good. She had always looked good, no matter what she was wearing.

“Can’t wait to hear it.”

“You helped me with some lyrics.”

“Did I?” Clarke asked flattered.

“Hmhm.” Lexa finished dressing up and slipped her arms around Clarke so she was fully in her arms and pressed a soft kiss to her lips again.

Clarke laughed as she tried backing away from her. “We’re gonna be late for our reservation.”

Lexa grunted and kept kissing her. “And?”

Clarke backed away and patted her shoulders twice. She loved the effect she had on Lexa.

“ _And_ I’m hungry.”  

Lexa let out a laugh. “You know, I find it funny to believe I’m already done changing into other clothes and you’re still here, putting on your shoes.”

“Excuse me Miss, you’re not wearing a ridiculously tight dress, which I can hardly breathe in by the way, you don’t have to put on a lot of makeup because you’re already beautiful and you don’t have to torture your feet with these high heels.”

Lexa’s lips smiled wide and the tiny laughter that escaped her made Clarke want to replay it forever in her mind. _So sappy_ , Clarke thought and let out another laugh.

“Fair enough. You look absolutely stunning in this dress.”

“Thanks babe. You don’t look so bad yourself.” Clarke smiled as she didn’t wait for Lexa and walked downstairs. She was excited about their alone time in public to say the least. They hadn’t done that in a long while.

“You coming?”

Lexa grinned. “Absolutely.”

They drove to the restaurant and patiently waited on their food after ordering it. Finally, after almost half an hour they came in with the food.

“It’s always meat, isn’t it?” Clarke laughed as Lexa excitedly ate the grilled chicken on her plate.

“You know it.” Lexa said happily.

Clarke stared happily at her girlfriend. Lexa eyed her and her lips curled in a smile, wider than most Clarke’s seen on that gorgeous face of hers and she wondered how she could still feel exactly the same about her after all these years together.

“What, are you on a diet with your salad?” Lexa pointed at Clarke’s plate.

“Salads are actually pretty filling, you know? They’re tasty, too. So low calories, good-looking, tasty, great green color, it’s just perfect.”

Silence.

Then Lexa bursted out into laughter. “You’re so full of shit.” Not believing a word she was saying and Clarke didn’t blame her. She _was_ bullshitting big time. If one thing she was sure of was that she loved food as much as she loved Lexa (almost). There was no way in hell she could go through with a diet. Besides, Clarke knew she loved her curves.

“You’re making fun of me.”

“No.” Lexa chuckled. “I’m just trying to see how you will make this work.”

“What? You don’t believe I can do it?” Clarke said in a joking way.

“Clarke, you could take over the world before breakfast if you wanted to. But you eating only salads? I’m sorry, no.”

“Watch me.” Clarke warned.

Lexa smiled. “I would love to. I’ll call the newspaper myself if you stick to it.”

Clarke let out a silent chuckle. Lexa knew her too well. She could never stick to any diet that included salads. Yuck.

“As long as the boobs don’t lose weight.”

Clarke almost choked on her way too healthy salad. “Lexa!” She hissed and carefully looked around her. “We’re in public. Behave.”

“I’m just saying.“ She shrugged playfully.

The subtle eyes Clarke was giving Lexa’s plate was inevitable.

“Want a bite?” Lexa proposed.

“I would fucking love to.” Clarke whispered and grabbed the fork with chicken out of Lexa’s hand.

Lexa laughed as she watched Clarke enjoy her chicken. Thank god for Lexa. If she weren’t here, she would’ve probably starved to death from hunger.

“I’m so sorry to bother you Miss Woods, but there’s someone on the phone for you.” A waitress came up to Lexa out of nowhere.

Lexa looked confused as the waitress held the telephone out to Lexa. “Oh, uh, for me? Who is it?”

“I believe the name was Lincoln. It sounded really urgent. But if you want I can tell him you’re busy.” The waitress answered politely.

Lexa sighed and eyed Clarke. They knew enough by just one look at each other.

“That’s not necessary, he’s my manager. I’ll take it, thank you.” Lexa said politely and brought the phone to her ear.

“Lincoln, this better be good because I’m busy.” Lexa said stoic. A demanding tone in her voice that instantly turned Clarke on. And Lexa all knew too damn well she had that effect on her.

“ _I can see. You’re on everyone’s Snapchat and other social media channels._ ” Lincoln answered.

“Is that why you’re calling? Even to the restaurant? Come on Lincoln, take an evening off.”

_“You didn’t pick up your phone. Lexa, listen to me. You can’t just show up everywhere in public. Just be careful. People are watching you from outside the restaurant and making pictures of you-”_

“Lincoln, look. I appreciate you looking out for me as my friend _and_ manager. And I know you have a lot of time free now without Octavia being there-”

_“That has nothing to do with this.”_

Lexa let out a low sigh and quickly locked eyes with Clarke, a sudden guilt in her green, bright eyes.

“Why don’t I come over tomorrow and we have a beer together, huh? Take a day off.”

_“What? Why?”_

“I know you, Lincoln. I understand that this break up is hard for you and you have a lot of free time now. I know you need to get your mind off of her.”

Silence.

“Do we have a deal? I’ll bring beer.” Lexa insisted.

_“You’re completely making this about me and this is not about me.”_

“I’m fine, Lincoln. Clarke and I are just having dinner together.”

_“In public.”_

“We’ll manage just fine. We won’t get eaten by the paparazzi. See you tomorrow?”

_“No.”_

“Good. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

_“Well… say hi to Clarke for me.”_

“I will. Take care. Bye.”

Just like that, Lexa clicked the phone away and continued eating like nothing happened.

“That was sweet of you.” Clarke said softly.

Lexa let out a deep sigh and Clarke knew it bothered her to death.

“I’ve seen him more often than I’ve seen you this week because of their break up last week. I’ve never seen him this broken before.” Lexa explained and Clarke only nodded, feeling a little sorry for the guy.

Lexa, Clarke and him had been good friends since high school, and Clarke knew how insecure he could be, especially after his break up with Octavia last week.

“I know, I’ve seen him. Octavia is pretty damaged, too.” Clarke explained. She had seen Octavia this week more often, too.

“Yeah. You think they’re going to get back together?”

“I don’t know. I really hope so. I mean, they’ve been together longer than you and me.”

“It’s a long time, and I know Lincoln wants to get back together.”

“I know. They still love each other, I don’t get it.”

“Yeah, well, lack of communication and attention for each other was the whole problem. I just hope they talk soon about it and figure it out.”

“Me too.” Clarke said and thought about her and Lexa’s relationship. Their communication had always been strong, thankfully.

“Also, I really don’t want to pick sides.”

“Me neither and we’re not going to.”

Lexa nodded and her lips curled up, smiling softly at Clarke like she was the only thing that mattered.

“Right now I just want to have dinner and enjoy my night out with my beautiful girlfriend.” Lexa spoke.

Clarke mirrored her smile and reached for her hand, brushing her fingers over it. Still, he couldn’t let go of the fact that Lincoln was feeling lonely. After all, he was their friend.

“He called you because he probably feels lonely right now, Lexa.”

“He absolutely does, it’s why I was with him this whole week. Right now, I just want to be with you.”

Clarke nodded and threw her a quick, sad smile. Clarke knew it really bothered Lexa they hadn’t had much time for each other these last few weeks. No matter how hard Lexa tried to be there for Lincoln, he would always want more of Lexa’s time. Octavia wasn’t that bad. She had always been better in being alone.

The two had a peaceful dinner after, until they drove home. Because just like Lincoln had predicted, the paparazzi were onto them like every other time Lexa was seen somewhere public. It had been going on like this for almost three years now, since Lexa had stolen millions of heart with her pop music. She was one of the biggest pop artists at the moment. Unfortunately the paparazzi didn’t leave her be because of that reason.

Lexa dragged Clarke by her hand through the possibly 15 paparazzi that were waiting outside of the restaurant. They couldn’t duck the photographs, but they could duck the questions they would shout at them. Simple questions like ‘Did you enjoy dinner tonight?’ and other questions like ‘When does your third album come out?’ Clarke knew it didn’t really matter to Lexa. She would just ignore all of them tonight. They just wanted to get home with and -hopefully- have a long and romantic night ahead of them.

They quickly got in the car, Lexa driving, but that didn’t stop the paparazzi from following them home.

“Goddammit.” Lexa whispered as she watched them in the mirror.

“You’ll lose them at the house.”

“Yes but that’s the point. I don’t want to bring them to the house. Who knows they’ll be there tomorrow when I leave the house.”

“Then you just wave and drive off.”

Lexa sighed. “I’m sorry they’re ruining our evening.”

“What?” Clarke laughed out. “They’re not ruining it. I’m having a great evening with you, Lexa.”

Lexa locked their eyes and smiled. Clarke knew it always bothered Lexa that she had to deal with the paparazzi because she was dating her. That meant they were interested in Clarke too, but never as much as they were interested in Lexa. Still it was the reason why they didn’t just go eat somewhere in public as much as they used to. It was the only change since Lexa got so popular that Clarke was having a hard time with.

“You think? I’m glad. It’s been a while since we did this.”

“I know. You know what’s also been a long time?” Clarke whispered low. It immediately got Lexa’s attention because she probably guessed where this was going.

“It’s been like, what? One day?”

“My point exactly.” Clarke said low.

“I remember we used to do it every single day in high school like some sorts of rabbits.” Lexa laughed.

“Oh yeah.” Clarke immediately joined her. “I don’t know where we got the energy from, but I remember perfectly.”

She reached for Lexa’s hand that was resting on the poke, aching her skin on hers and intertwining their fingers. She felt Lexa’s fingertips move on her skin, leaving Clarke wanting for more.

After a while they got home and tried shaking off the paparazzi there. They rushed inside but that didn’t stop them from shouting questions at them.

_“Lexa! Did you enjoy dinner?”_

_“Was this for a special occasion?”_

_“Did you put a ring on it?!”_ A man shouted and so the rest followed.

_“Tell us more! Did she say yes?”_

They both closed the door, getting out of their coats.

“I put a ring on it? How did they ever come up with that?” Lexa wondered.

“I don’t know. Haven’t you told them you never want to get married?” It escaped Clarke’s mouth before she could stop herself. Lexa knew this really bothered Clarke. She knew she would love to get married one day. Lexa? Not so much.

“Don’t be like that.” Lexa said.

“Like what?” Clarke said lightly, but it was something she’d rather not talk about so she walked away from Lexa, upstairs.

“And after all, the paparazzi ruined our evening.” Lexa said as she followed Clarke.

“They didn’t. I’m just- You know how I think about it.”

“And you know how I think about it.”

“Clearly. Doesn’t mean I get it.”

“I mean, I’m happy to just go on a honeymoon with you without getting married.”

“Great. Thanks for clearing things up for me.” Clarke swallowed loudly, trying to swallow the upcoming lump back in her throat.

“Clarke, no. I didn’t mean it like that. Come on, don’t do this right now. It’s not like we’ve never talked about it before.”

“That doesn’t mean I fully agree with our decision of never getting married.” She said as she took off her heels and dress and changed into her pajamas.

“I… I never really… I mean, Jesus. Would it be so bad to be with me without getting married?”

“What does it matter anyway? If you think marriage won’t last, why would you think a relationship would last?” Clarke was too late swallowing her words back, but she felt a little regret.

It made Lexa shut up and watched Clarke walk downstairs again. Like before, Lexa followed her.

“You didn’t mean that… Clarke, let’s not fight please.” Lexa sat down next to Clarke on the couch.

Clarke sighed and Lexa could see tears forming in her eyes. She did everything in her power to choke back her tears, but every time she thought about not marrying the love of her life, it hurt like a bitch.

“Clarke...” Lexa whispered sweetly as she brushed away hair from her eyes, but Clarke didn’t let her.

“What.” Clarke choked back a sob, fighting so hard against it.

“We’ve talked about this many times before. Why are we doing this again?”

“I don’t know. Maybe I still have hope somewhere? I know your parents getting a divorce was hard for you and left you a trauma-”

“No, no, that’s not it.”

“Bullshit. You haven’t seen your dad in years. But I am the one paying for that!” Clarke raised her voice, shaking.

Lexa sighed sadly and left a little pause before speaking.

“Can we please talk about something else?”

“Yeah, I’m going to bed.” Clarke said as she stood up and walked upstairs.

“Clarke…” Lexa tried but Clarke didn’t respond. She didn’t feel like it right now, so she just laid down in bed until she could finally fall asleep in her wet pillow of tears.

 

____

 

After today Clarke was exhausted from just this morning at work. Luckily she could finally go home in a few minutes. Half a day of work wasn’t that bad. The thing that made it actually bad was being all over the news. They repeated over and over again that she and Lexa were _possibly_ engaged.

Their argument hadn’t been discussed anymore since last night. Clarke snuck out this morning without waking up Lexa so they didn’t have the chance to talk it over. She hated fighting with Lexa, especially over the marriage thing. It was so stupid.

Clarke watched the TV for a minute and sighed. “How did they ever come up with that?” She mumbled to herself.

“Congratulations Dr. Griffin.”

Clarke turned around to meet another doctor’s eyes. Bellamy’s eyes.

“What?”

Bellamy laughed and pointed at the TV.

“Oh, that. Yeah, you’re like the third person today to congratulate me, but Lexa and I are not engaged.” Clarke scoffed.

“Huh, so they made it up?”

“Seems like it. Lexa and I already got a fight over it. Long story.”

Bellamy nodded, his expression saying ‘I’m sorry’.

Bellamy and Clarke had been great friends since they both started working at the same hospital. Clarke was a good friend of his sister Octavia in High School and so they already knew each other. Clarke had always considered him just ‘Octavia’s big brother’.

“Well, just don’t watch TV for the next couple of days then.” Bellamy said lightly.

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Thanks for your generous advice. Glad I won’t have to listen to it today.” She joked.

“Why? You’re done for today?”

“Yup. I’m just gonna change and head home.”

“Some of us are lucky I guess.”

“Oh, yes. So lucky. Running into my fake fiancée’s arms.”

Bellamy laughed in unbelieve.

Clarke smiled. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” She said as Bellamy waved her off.

Clarke walked to the dressing room where all the doctors would change clothes before and after work. Right after changing into the same clothes as this morning, Clarke felt clean again. She made her way through the E.R. and almost went outside, when she heard some yelling right next to her.

“Move! Move! Coming through!”

 A few nurses and a doctor were carrying a hospital bed with speed to the emergency room as far as Clarke could see. It always sucked seeing a patient in that state. Covered in blood. Knocked out. It was always hard to be in that doctor’s position.

They passed Clarke and she couldn’t help but stare at the patient. But then Clarke looked twice. That looked kind of familiar.

Clarke followed the chaotic doctor and nurses and her heart starting racing when she saw who the patient was.

“Excuse me miss, you can’t be here.” A nurse said holding her back.

Clarke pushed through one door and ignored her.

“Lexa? Lexa!” Clarke yelled.

“Miss! You can’t enter!” Another nurse stopped her right after they closed the E.R. doors.

Clarke stared at the door in total confusion and her heart was pounding out of her chest. Her face went white as ever and everything went blurry for a second when the same nurse called her back to earth.

“Miss! You’re not allowed to go in here.”

“But- I don’t- She’s- Is she okay? What… what happened?“

“Miss this is your last warning.”

Clarke started tearing up.

“No no no no. No! You don’t understand. Please. I know her. The- the patient.” Clarke stammered. She tried looking through the glass of the door, but the nurses both didn’t let her.

Clarke continued tearing up. She kept repeating the image of the patient in her head over and over again.  

“If you know her then you’ll have to wait in the waiting room-”

“No goddammit. I work here! I’m doctor Clarke Griffin! Just let me in!” Clarke sounded desperate.

Both nurses exchanged looks. “You’re a doctor here and you know the patient?” One of them asked.

“Yes! Is she okay? Just let me-”

“Then we can’t let you in. You’ll just have to trust Doctor Murphy.”

“What? What kind of-” Clarke yelled. “Please, you don’t understand. It’s Lexa Woods, right? She’s- she’s my partner. Let me help her!”

Both nurses went silent for a while.

“We can’t. Standard procedure in our hospital. You can’t help any loved ones. For your own good.”

Clarke couldn’t stop the tear that rolled over her cheek now.

Out of frustration and powerlessness she let herself fall on her knees and started crying. Both nurses didn’t know what to do.

“Please. Please.” Clarke pleaded hopeless again. “I need to see her. See if she’s okay.”

“I’m sorry.” One of the nurses repeated. Then they both tried carrying Clarke away, but it was hard since Clarke didn’t work with them at all. She just let herself get dragged out of the hallway to the waiting room, feeling powerless.

They sat Clarke down on a chair who was totally unreasonable to talk to right now. She could fill a whole pool with her tears. It took exactly twelve minutes for Clarke to calm down just slightly, until she heard the news all over the hospital on television screens.

_We are here live at the scene within seconds from where the shooting happened. Victim and world’s most famous singer today -Lexa Woods- was just brought into the hospital. Traffic has reopened here in LA. It was chaos for a couple of minutes while investigators cleared the scene, just about twenty minutes ago. We are here with some of the witnesses who claimed to hear two or more shots when it happened. They caught the shooter and are looking into why he shot the famous singer. We will come back to you later with more details._


	4. Chapter 4

_Victim and world’s most famous singer today -Lexa Woods- was brought into the hospital an hour ago. It was chaos for a couple of minutes while investigators cleared the scene, just about two hours ago. The shooter’s name is not published yet. They’re investigating the shooter at the moment. We are now pretty sure the singer got shot twice-_

Everything was a total chaos and nightmare. While every American citizen was praying and hoping Lexa would survive, Clarke was just a total mess. She had been here for an hour and hadn’t said a word to anyone except for Lexa’s mother Indra, when Clarke tried telling her the horrible news over the phone. Before she got in the hospital, Clarke was left alone in the waiting room. Waiting for something. Some news about Lexa. The waiting part was absolutely the worst. When Indra finally came in she completely broke down again in her arms, both seeking for support in each other.

They were waiting for over two hours right now and no matter how many times Clarke tried going in to see Lexa, they kept their eyes on her and wouldn’t let her in. Clarke just needed answers. She needed to know if she was okay. She needed to know why. Why did they shot _her_ Lexa?

Her tears were now permanently rolling over her cheeks and she just didn’t know how to stop them. Neither did Indra. They remained silent the whole time, making it unbearable to speak. The paparazzi outside weren’t making it easier for her either. Some of them tried going inside and talk to Clarke, but soon they got send away by security. And thank god. If there was something she couldn’t use at the moment, it was paparazzi interrogating her about the situation.

Luckily, Lincoln and other friends like Raven, Anya, and Octavia (not at the same time) went to support Clarke and Indra by visiting and staying for a few hours.

“Can we get you something, honey?” Raven asked sweetly when grabbing Clarke’s hand.

“No. Thanks. I’m good.” Clarke sadly and barely grinned.

“You’re not. We aren’t either. But we have each other.” Raven continued.

Clarke closed her eyes, not trying to think about their last conversation last night. About their argument. If Clarke would’ve gone easier on her, maybe this wouldn’t even have happened. This was not the way how she wanted to remember Lexa.

Remember? What was she talking about? She couldn’t think this was Lexa’s last day of her life.

Thinking about it made another few tears roll down her cheeks. Maybe if she hadn’t been so hard on her, maybe this wouldn’t have-

“Lexa Woods?”

Clarke immediately turned to the voice who said her name. It was a doctor. Doctor Murphy apparently. She had no idea who it was, which was weird because she knew everyone in the hospital. The guy was about 30 years old and had short, dark hair.

Indra stood up and Clarke followed her with every fear that ran through her body and slowly met him in the middle. She hoped Lexa would be okay. As long as she was okay, there was nothing else right now that mattered. Not even how much she wanted to hurt the shooter if she had the chance. As long as she was okay.

Clarke’s lip trembled and her eyes were fully red, she was sure. And then the doctor started talking.

“She just went through surgery. She’s okay. She’s a strong one.”

 _She’s okay._ The deepest breath of relieve escaped Clarke’s mouth.

“Thank you, doctor.” Indra cried out and Clarke only nodded. It was the only thing she could do at the moment.

“She got shot twice, but they didn’t get through. The two pointed at the center of her abdomen. So it was a tough surgery, she’s not quite stable yet. You can’t enter her room right now. You’ll have to wait until she wakes up and is stable.”

“That could take hours or even days.” Clarke said quietly.

“Yes. You’re familiar with this?”

Clarke nodded. “I work here as a doctor.”

Doctor Murphy stood up straight and looked surprised. Guessed nobody told him.

“You’re related to Lexa Woods?”

“She’s my girlfriend. This is her mother.” She pointed to Indra.

“Can we please see her?” Indra’s voice desperate.

“I can’t let you in. Only doctors.”

“What about her?” Indra pointed at Clarke.

The doctor thought about it for a while and then laughed nervously.

“Please.” Clarke pleaded.

“I’m sorry, I’ll get into lots of trouble. You’re not working right now. And you shouldn’t be right now. I’ll let you know when she’s stabilized.” He turned around and walked away.

Both Indra and Clarke didn’t know what to say so they sat down, waiting again for some news of Lexa.

“And?” Lincoln asked curiously.

“She just went through surgery but we can’t see her. Not until she’s stable.” Clarke said in a tired voice.

“Is it positive what he told us?” Indra asked after a while.

Clarke furrowed her brows. She knew there was a chance of Lexa getting in a coma. She knew there was always a chance of complications with surgeries like this.

“The surgery was done successfully. All we can do is wait.”

“Clarke, don’t talk like a doctor to me. I’m her mother. I have the right to know-”

“There’s always a chance of complications, okay? I just don’t want to think about that. Let’s stay positive here.” Clarke raised her voice making people look over to them.

Indra and the rest remained silent, not daring to ask anything else and Clarke was grateful for that. She really didn’t want to think of never seeing Lexa smile again. She couldn’t. The guilt was killing her from the inside of their argument last night. Last thing Lexa will remember was their fight. About something that shouldn’t even matter.

“I’m so sorry but I have to go to work. Please keep me updated.” Raven said sincerely as she and Anya stood up, getting ready to leave.

“No worries. Thanks for swinging by guys.” Clarke stood up and gave both of them a lingering hug, needing it more than anything else right now. She was glad her friends were here.

Clarke sat down again next to Indra and stared right ahead of her to the wall. Trying not to let the guilt eat her up. She waited a little while before she spoke.

“We had a fight last night.” Clarke admitted, teary, devastated eyes.

Indra faced her.

“If the last thing she remembers is me being awful to her- I was not being reasonable to her and I-”

“Oh, honey.” Indra pulled her in an embrace as Clarke broke down completely. “It’s not your fault.”

It didn’t matter to Clarke. She felt like it was her fault and nobody could tell her otherwise. She would hate herself if their argument was their last conversation. Clarke kept weeping, not able to stop.

“Shh, it’s okay.”

“I should’ve… been more… more loving. I should’ve told her that I loved her.” Clarke breathed out between sobs.

“She knows that, Clarke.”

“And that I… I’m sorry. I didn’t want to fight.”

“It’s okay. She knows.”

“What if she doesn’t? I just… can’t stop thinking about it.”

“She loves you no matter what. Remember that.”

But Clarke only started sobbing hearing her words. Indra tried calming her down but it took her hours to finally stop crying.

After hours, still no news about Lexa after. Clarke had asked Bellamy and another few doctors to go check on her, but they came back with the same news every time: ‘Not stable yet’.

After a while Indra got up, asking Clarke what she wanted for dinner but she responded with ‘nothing’. If there was one thing she didn’t think of right now was eating something. She wasn’t hungry. She just felt nausea in her stomach.

Clarke was now left alone after Indra left and it was scary as ever. She felt anxious and lonely. Her friends had already called her to check in on Lexa, and some of them even dropped by her at the hospital to support Clarke.

Clarke couldn’t help but to overthink every situation she was awful or angry at Lexa. She wished she could take all those moments back and show her more love. Oh, if she could just see her smile again. Or look into those happy, grass-green eyes one more time.

“Clarke Griffin?”

Clarke jumped and eyed a police officer on her right.

“Yes?”

“Officer Jaha.” He shook her hand. “I would like to speak with you on Lexa Woods’ case if that’s okay with you. We’re investigating the case and we have some questions. You’d really help us out if you answered them.”

Clarke felt like she couldn’t breathe. Thinking about someone shooting Lexa again, hurting her. But she wanted to do everything she could to help Lexa get the justice she deserved.

“Uhm, I’m… yeah, okay. But I’m waiting for some news about her so I’d like to do it here if that’s okay.”

“Of course.” Jaha said and sat down to grab his papers. “It’s a little personal, but I understand. How is she doing after all?”

“She just went through surgery. That’s all I know.”

“I’m so sorry you have to go through this.”

Clarke only nodded, not exactly knowing what to say but wanting to cry instead.

“So, let’s dive in, shall we? Do you mind if I record this?”

“I guess not.”

Jaha put a mini-recorder between them, pressing on the button ‘recording’. “Good, I’m speaking with Clarke Griffin. Do you confirm living together with Mrs. Woods?”

“Yes.”

“What is your relationship with her?”

“She’s my partner.”

“Romantically I assume?”

“Yes.”

“For how long have you been together?”

“Does that matter?”

“It does, and you would really help us out if you’d answer the question.”

Clarke sighed and closed her eyes to think. “For almost ten years now.”

“High school sweethearts?”

“Yes.” Clarke’s lips curled up into a smile for less than a second only thinking about it.

“We have been interrogating the shooter today. Did anybody tell you about him?”

 _Him._ So it was a guy. Clarke shook her head, it was spinning and all she wanted was to do the same thing to the shooter as they did to Lexa. She wanted him to get hurt as much as they hurt Lexa. _Her_ Lexa.

“His name is Finn Collins. Do you happen to know a Finn Collins?”

Clarke’s eye’s widened, her heart started racing and swallowed loudly.

“What?”

“Do you, or don’t you?”

“Yes, I… I do know a Finn Collins. He used to be in… in my high school class.” Clarke stammered.

“Huh. I hope we’re talking about the same Finn Collins.” Jaha showed her a picture of Finn Collins, and Clarke only stared at it blankly. It was him. Finn Collins from High School. Was he the one who shot Lexa down? Clarke’s blood rushed through her body and she was sure her cheeks were burning red. She made a fist with her hand, tightening it from angriness. How could she ever let this happen?

“It’s him.” Clarke nodded and clenched her fists as tight as she could.

“I’m sorry to tell you that he is our guy. He shot down Mrs. Woods.”

Clarke let out a deep sigh. Out of all the people, why him? Why did he do it? She hadn’t seen him in years, but she swore that if he was here right now, Clarke could’ve killed him. With those lying, big brown eyes acting so innocent in the damn picture. Clarke’s lip trembled and all she wanted was to just hurt Finn so much right now. 

“What was your relationship with Mr. Finn Collins?”  

“I’m sorry, I need a moment.” Clarke covered her eyes with her hands, rubbing her forehead.

“Of course. Water?” He handed Clarke a bottle of water and Clarke gladly took a big sip.

Clarke kept rubbing her head, so many questions spooking through her head, and after a while she finally spoke.

“Why did he do it?”

“We’re not sure. We were hoping you could help us out by answering some of these questions. He doesn’t tell us much.”

Clarke sighed low and locked eyes with the officer. “Finn and I dated for a short period of time in high school. Before that we were just friends.”

“Huh. For how long did you date?”

“God, maybe like, nine, ten months?” Clarke sighed out.

“How serious were you? Did you love him back then?”

“I did.” Clarke’s stomach turned and she felt nauseous again. She hated to say she loved him back then. How could she knowing he was capable of shooting people?

“What happened after you broke up?”

“Nothing much.”

“You never spoke to him after your break up?”

“No. Well, he tried contacting me a few times, and we saw each other every day in class. But I didn’t want to speak to him after we broke up.”

“Why not?”

Clarke scoffed.

“He slept with a few other girls when we were together. After I found out I was so hurt and angry I didn’t want to see him anymore.”

“And when he wanted you two to get back together, were you already in a relationship with Mrs. Woods?”

Clarke sighed painfully loud. “I’m not sure. It’s been years since high school. I started dating Lexa a few months after Finn and I broke up. Maybe no, he contacted me before I got into another relationship, I think.”

“Huh.”

Clarke knitted her eyebrows together. “That’s it?”

“You haven’t seen or spoken to him since high school is what you’re trying to say?”

“Yes. Why?”

“Well, people who are jealous can do dangerous things, trust me.

“I understand you and Mrs. Woods are engaged? It’s been all over the news.”

Clarke squeezed her eyes tight, it hurt too much to think about this. About their fight.

“We’re not.”

“Oh. Well, anyway.” Jaha felt a little awkward and shifted straight back in his seat. “What I’m assuming right now is that he saw the news about your engagement on television and got so jealous he shot her down at your house. But no healthy person would do such thing. You said it yourself, it’s been years since you two saw each other.”

Clarke was on the brink of crying again, wetting her trembling lips with her tongue and swallowing her lump away in her throat every few seconds.

“He did this because he’s jealous?” Clarke said quietly angry.

Jaha got up and Clarke had his eyes pinned down on him. “I guess some people have a hard time letting go. You helped us big time, Mrs. Griffin. We will be in touch. Stay strong and call me if you need anything.” He gave his card to Clarke. “We’ll come back to you soon.”

“Wait!” Clarke stood up and made him turn around. She almost whispered her following words. “What will happen to him?”

“Mr. Collins? He committed a crime. Not to forget: he committed a crime against America’s most lovable singer. Being hated by the whole world may be punishment enough for him but we’re sure he’ll get locked up for a few years and get help with his health issues if that’s the case.”

Clarke only nodded.

“I just hope he really suffers.” She whispered coldly.

Jaha nodded once and walked out of the hospital.

Clarke grabbed herself some coffee and sat down again on the same hard chair she’d been sitting on all day long. She breathed in deeply before breathing out again. She needed a moment. A break from the situation.

After two more hours of waiting (and not eating what Indra had brought them) the doctor’s asked gently to leave the hospital and come back tomorrow, but Clarke refused and laid down on three uncomfortable waiting room chairs. Her back was killing her, but she’d rather be here right now close to Lexa, than to be at home, far away from Lexa. She couldn’t sleep anyway all alone in her bed at home.

“I’m going home, Clarke. You should come home, too. Freshen up a bit. Eat a little.” Indra proposed gently. She got down on her knees to eye-level Clarke and caressed her hair gently. Indra had always been like a mother to Clarke, unlike Abby, her own mother. Indra always knew what was best for her, like mothers do. But not in this case. Clarke wanted to stay. She _needed to_ stay. What if Lexa would wake up soon? She wanted to be here first thing when that happened.

“I’m staying.”

“Clarke-”

“I’m staying. Thank you, Indra, for your concern.” Her voice sounded gentle and meaningful.

Indra let out a sigh. “I know how hardheaded you are. Is there really nothing I can do to change your mind?”

“No.” Clarke said stoic.

“I figured. I can’t force you. I’ll be here tomorrow. I’ll bring you some clothes, food, anything.”

“Okay. Thank you.” Clarke sounded sleepy.

“Okay. See you tomorrow.” Indra brushed her forehead once with her fingers before leaving.

About an hour later, Clarke’s eyes were sleepy, but with all of this on her mind she was positive she couldn’t sleep right now.

She looked at the annoying loud clock on the wall. 11:37 p.m. Maybe tomorrow she had better luck. Maybe tomorrow Lexa would be stable and everything would be okay. Her eyes felt heavy and she tried blinking away her sleep. She couldn’t sleep. She didn’t want to sleep-

“Lexa Woods?”

Clarke immediately jumped on two feet, walking towards the voice who said her name. It was Doctor Murphy again.

He gave her a small, proud nod with a tiny smile. “She’s stable. She’s awake.”

Clarke’s deep breath could be heard from the other side of the hospital. _Thank god._

“Is she okay? Can I see her?”

“Yes. Follow me.”

Clarke did, full of adrenaline, looking around her as if she’d never seen a hospital before.

“Here it is, room 307.”

Clarke quickly pushed the door open, immediately meeting with Lexa’s sick eyes and she started tearing up again. Everything around her seemed to have blurred out and the only one left was Lexa, pale face, a needle in her arm and bandages around her stomach. It killed her seeing Lexa like this.

She quickly moved to Lexa, arms reaching out as she approached her.  

“Clarke.” Lexa breathed out and with much effort she sat up a bit straighter, pulling Clarke in for an embrace and Clarke swore it had never felt this good being in Lexa’s arms, the feeling of coming home. It was the only thing she’d been aching for this whole day.

She slipped her arms carefully further around her waist, holding her clingy body close to her own and she knew tears were slipping down her cheeks but that wasn’t her main focus on right now.

“I love you. God, I love you so much.” It was the only thing she wanted Lexa to know right now. The only thing she needed her to know, besides that she regretted arguing with her last night about something so stupid.

“I love you, too.” Lexa said softly as she tangled her fingers in Clarke’s hair.

“Are you okay? I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for everything that I said last night-”

“Shh, don’t even start. I’m sorry, okay?” Lexa whispered as she searched for Clarke’s hand, intertwining their fingers.

“Let’s never fight again.”

“Okay.” Lexa agreed. 

Clarke sat down on the hospital bed with Lexa, cupping her cheek. Lexa revealed her smile, a smile that had always managed to render Clarke speechless, more than anything else. But Clarke noticed she looked so incredibly tired. She looked like she hadn’t slept in days.

“You okay? How are you?” Lexa asked.

Clarke let out a laugh, wiping her tears away with her sleeve. “How am I? Really? You are the one laying in a hospital bed and you’re asking _me_ how I’m doing?”

Lexa smiled tiredly and squeezed Clarke’s hand.

“How are _you_?” Clarke said as she brought Lexa’s hand to her lips, placing soft, wet kisses.

“I’m okay.” Lexa eyed the doctor behind Clarke. As if she was waiting for him to explain. Clarke hadn’t even noticed him standing in the room. Then he stepped forward.

“She’s okay, but she has lost feeling in both legs. That feeling may come back or not, we’ll have to wait and see tomorrow.”

Clarke only nodded. That didn’t say much right now. She had just woken up. She knew the feeling might get back in a few hours like he said.

“But other than that, she’s just fine. Her wounds just need to heal.”

Clarke locked eyes again with Lexa and smiled. Like Lexa was a force, Clarke claimed her lips, noticing only now she tasted different, almost chemical. Clarke figured it was because of the medicine they gave her. It didn’t matter to her anyway as she kissed her hard and urgent, worrying she might lose her again.

The doctor cleared his throat, breaking Clarke and Lexa apart.

“If you have any questions, I’ll be around. Get some rest you two and I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Clarke’s cheeks turned slightly red and nodded. “Thank you so much doctor Murphy for taking care of her when I couldn’t. I owe you everything.”

“You and I are both doctors. It’s what we do. And call me John, we’re colleagues after all.”

Clarke gave him a thankful nod and watched him disappear out of the room. She only noticed now that Lexa was lazily playing with her hair that was falling down her shoulder. She turned to face Lexa and placed one hand on her arm and her other hand reaching to tuck her hair behind her ear.

“Are you really okay? Are you in pain?” Clarke asked again. She wanted to hear Lexa say it herself. Not just John.

“I’m really okay, they gave me some painkillers. I just can’t move or feel my legs which is kind of weird. You think it’ll be okay?” There was a touch of fear and desperation in Lexa’s voice.

Clarke sympathized as she knitted her eyebrows together and gave her arm another comforting squeeze. “Of course, but John’s right, the feeling may get back tomorrow or not. Either way, you’ll be fine. I’ll take care of you from now on.”

Lexa gave her a sleepy smile and nodded.

“You should get some rest.” Clarke said softly, caressing her arm.

“Yes, I’m exhausted. And a little nauseous.”

“That’s perfectly normal. You should get some sleep.”

“I will. You should go home.” Lexa yawned.

Clarke let out a chuckle. “First, I’m going to call your mom. Then I’m going to undress myself and sleep on the couch next to you.”

“What? No, you should go home. Get some proper sleep.”

“No discussion. I’m staying.” Before Lexa could protest Clarke dialed Indra’s number, but she never picked up her phone. Not even after the fourth time. She wondered if she was okay and decided to leave a message with the news about Lexa.

Lexa yawned again and Clarke got out of her clothes, only wearing underwear and a tank top as she grabbed some blankets. She pecked Lexa’s lips one more time as they exchanged ‘I love you’s’ before settling onto the couch, because Lexa’s bed was too small for two people. She laid uncomfortable as ever, but there was no other place she’d rather be right now. Finally, close to Lexa.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Extremely random flashback but I didn't know when else to post it.

 

“Let’s do a double date!”

“Or not. What if it gets awkward?”

“Then we’ll have each other, Lexa. But it won’t be awkward.”

Clarke turned down the volume of the TV. She had her head in Lexa’s lap and her feet were up on the couch.

“You’re just scared to go alone with him on a date.” Lexa protested.

“No.” Clarke said hesitating. “Okay maybe. So what if I want my best friend to be there for me.”

Lexa crossed her arms and turned to fully face Clarke. It felt like looking through her eyes were burning a hole through Lexa’s and reaching for her soul. But her asking Lexa to be a good friend for her and do this one thing made Lexa’s heart hurt only thinking about it.

“Clarke, I can’t always be there for you. I mean, not with things like this.”

Clarke pouted and it made Lexa feel bad. “Why not?”

Lexa didn’t even wanted to start answering that. The fact that she had always been in love with her best friend was something she didn’t want to talk about. She just had to get over her. Besides, she liked Costia. She was nice and that’s who she needed to be with. She just needed to ask her out. Just like Finn asked Clarke out. Besides, seeing Clarke with someone else would probably leave an empty hole in her heart. But she knew that day would come sometime and she had to be strong.

“Look, I just think we’re both old enough to just go alone on dates.”

Clarke sighed. “I guess you’re right. So does that mean we can never have a double date?”

Lexa sighed and closed her eyes. “Maybe someday.”

Both fell into a silent moment and Lexa let out another long sigh. Feeling tired of fighting against her feelings. Tired of never being the lucky one in this category.

“If the date goes well, I’m totally marrying him.”

Lexa snorted, even though she wanted to strongly disapprove. Finn had always been an asshole, but he was one of the most popular kids in class so of course he was very desirable for many. But Clarke wasn’t the lucky one in here. Oh no, Finn was the lucky guy who could take her out on a date.

“Clarke, you would marry any guy for free cake.”

“So?” Clarke laughed. “I’ve been planning my wedding day since I was like four. I just want it to be perfect.”

“Yeah I know, but that doesn’t mean I understand. Marriage never works out.”

“Ugh what else is there? You hating puppies? Hating Christmas? For a lot of people marriage does work out. It is special. Not to mention the wedding day itself. Choosing a dress, choosing the cake, have a romantic dance with your husband, or in your case wife, go on a honeymoon together.”

“Yeah yeah, you know you can do all those things without getting married.”

“You’re no fun.”

Both girls let out a chuckle. Lexa felt a little cautious and she even dared to say nervous. She just wished she could have a glimpse at Clarke’s mind, just a peek into her thoughts, her heart and soul. Maybe this way she didn’t have to feel nervous. Maybe this way she’d feel even closer to Clarke. Lexa let out a low sigh and spoke.

“Hey Clarke.”

“Yeah?”

“Aren’t you a little scared that he won’t really accept who you are? I mean, not that you’re not great. I mean, everyone would fall for you. I’m actually referring to Costia and me and how she may not accept me.” She rambled.

Clarke locked their eyes and laughed at Lexa’s awkwardness. “Everyone would fall for me? How’s that?” Clarke raised one eyebrow.

Lexa nervously laughed as well. She tried talking herself out of the situation.

“You’re my best friend, I’m supposed to say stuff like that. But seriously, I know Costia’s into girls but I don’t know if she likes me. Besides, she doesn’t know about my… my situation.”

“What situation?”

“You know.” Lexa subtlety looked down at her crotch.

Clarke sat up straight and looked at Lexa in a sorry-feeling way.

“If she doesn’t accept that, she’s not the one for you, Lexa.”

“That’s easy for you to say.” She scoffed.

“Might be, but I mean it. And why wouldn’t she accept it? I accepted you when you told me.”

“Yes but that’s different.” Lexa laughed. “We’re not together. We’re not gonna have sex.”

And with those exact words, Lexa turned away from Clarke. Clarke nodded carefully and looked away from Lexa as well, remaining silent. Clarke was the one to break it with her tender and sweet voice, a sound Lexa would always recognize.

“Well, all I know is that if it were me, I’d praise myself lucky with someone like you. I wouldn’t care about your ‘situation’.”

Clarke eyed her and the warmth in her eyes melted all the bad thoughts in Lexa’s head away, just for a little while anyway. The fact that they had been best friends since kindergarten had bonded them for life. The only thing she was really scared of was not being able to love anyone else as much as she loved Clarke. That was the real situation here.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of you for reading my story! Enjoy!

“Do you feel that?” Clarke asked as she brushed a pen over Lexa’s feet.

Lexa shook her head and Clarke looked closely, but not a single movement was made by the brunette’s leg.

“What about this?” Clarke ran the pen higher on her leg, just under her knee.

Again, Lexa shook her head. It had been six days since Lexa had woken up in the hospital. She still couldn’t feel her legs, but at least the bullet wounds were healing properly.

“Clarke, just give up. I should’ve felt something days ago. This isn’t normal.” The brunette said surely, looking at her.

She could feel Lexa’s eyes burning a hole through her face and she didn’t feel like answering, because nothing was normal when it came to complications after surgery. Lexa already had one rehabilitation exercise yesterday to help her getting to walk again, but she failed miserably. She wasn’t strong enough yet in her legs and it really bumped her out. Lexa had lost a bit of hope since then and did not feel positive about this whole situation. Unfortunately for Clarke she was the one getting her crankiness.

“Do you feel that?” Clarke ignored her and brushed the pen over her thigh.

The slightest, tiniest movement was made by the brunette’s leg and shrugged.

“Very, very lightly. Better than in my feet.”

“Okay, so that hasn’t changed. It’s a good thing you’re able to feel that.” Clarke said as she sat down in bed with Lexa.

Clarke wasn’t back working until after this week because her college and internship didn’t want her to fall back on courses. It sucked and it meant they had to come up with a solution for Lexa, because Clarke didn’t want her staying here. She would be better off at home, but that meant she couldn’t take care of her each day.

“Hey, I’ve been thinking.” Clarke started, pulling Lexa’s hand into hers and started playing with her fingers.

Lexa shifted her head to one side, taking a better look at her.

“I’m thinking you should just come home with me.”

“Oh not again…” Lexa sighed out.

“I can take care of you at home, get you all comfy there, cook your favorite meals, it’d be so much easier.” Clarke brushed a few fingers softly over her cheek, trying to win her over for the hundredth time.

Lexa laughed mockingly. “Clarke, how many times do I have to tell you? I’m coming home as soon as I’m well again. I don’t want Finn to shoot me again or something.”

Clarke didn’t laugh. It wasn’t funny. She even felt a little nauseous talking about Finn shooting Lexa. When Lexa heard about the shooter, she screamed and screamed. Cursing and calling him out, threatening him until Clarke could calm her down a bit. But it didn’t lighten up the mood between them.

“Come on, he’s locked up already and you can become well at home.” Clarke nervously played with Lexa’s fingers again.

“He’d better be. Son of a bitch. And how will I get better when you’re working here?”

“What if I’m not? I could stay home with you.”

Lexa locked their eyes, her eyebrows raised up high. “And get a study delay? I think not.”

“Why not?” Clarke immediately snapped. “I wouldn’t mind falling behind on a few courses.”

“I would.” Lexa snapped back. “It’s not happening. Not because of me.”

“Then what? I think it’s time for you to come home. I’m home myself for three days. We just need a solution for the other four days.”

Lexa let out a tired sigh. She was probably tired of hearing Clarke repeating herself over and over again.

“No. They already offered me a great rehabilitation program here.”

“That same program can be held at our home, I already checked.”

“So what? You want me home and get like a nanny for me or something for four days?”

“Not really a nanny. Someone who takes care of you. Who knows what they’re doing.”

Clarke locked their eyes and noticed certain annoyance in her eyes.  

“Absolutely not.”

“Why? Why do you have to be so obstructive about this?” Clarke raised her voice irritated.

“I’m not healthy enough to go home yet. I’ll only hold you off and trouble you at home. I’m fucking useless like this. I want to get better here in the hospital.”

“That’s not true. You know it’s not true.”

“Yes it is.”

Clarke remained silent for a while. She hated how Lexa was pigheaded like herself sometimes. She wanted what was best for Lexa, she knew that. Staying in this hospital didn’t provide any supplement at all.

Clarke stared at Lexa’s legs, unable to move. She brushed her finger from her knee to her thigh.

“You can feel I’m touching your thigh?”

Lexa sighed out annoyed. “Kind of. So?”

“That’s better than when you first woke up, which means you’re improving.”

Lexa rolled her eyes.

“Clarke-”

“That means if I move further up, you’re able to feel this too, right?” Clarke continued, moving up to Lexa’s private areas.

Lexa sneered. “You mean, _this_?” She made a hand gesture at her crotch and Clarke nodded, scoffing.

“No. Definitely not.” 

“It doesn’t work?”

Lexa laughed mockingly. “No, it _doesn’t_ work.”

“Have you tried?”

“Clarke, I don’t need to try. I know it doesn’t work. I know when it’s off.”

Clarke threw her a cheeky smile before moving up and slipping her hand in Lexa’s underwear.

“Hey, hey, hey. What are you doing?!” Lexa was too shocked to stop her when she wrapped her hand around the base of her shaft, moving her hand up and down. Clarke was almost too confident it worked, even though Lexa shared another opinion.

“I’m just seeing.”

“Seeing what? I’m not at my best here, Clarke.”

“Seeing if it works.”

“It doesn’t. Clarke please, someone could get in any second.”

“I say it _does_ work.” Clarke snapped again and eyed Lexa.

“I’m in this bed for a reason. I’m telling you this is a waste of time.”

“Wanna bet?”

“What? I’m not gonna bet on whether I can get a boner. No. No bet.”

“Afraid you’ll lose?”

“Of course not. You’re unbelievable.” Lexa scoffed.

“Okay, so let’s bet. If I get our little friend up, you’ll check out of the hospital and come home with me. If I can’t, you can stay here.”

Lexa let out a laugh. “You’re- you’re just being ridiculous, you know?”

“We have a bet?” Clarke started working with her hand, stroking Lexa’s dick very slowly and torturous.

Lexa squinted her eyes at her, thinking about it and scoffed.

“You know what? If that’s what it takes for you to prove me right, sure. You get one minute.”

“One minute? That’s a no-brainer.” Clarke answered cheeky and started pumping Lexa harder, squeezing her in the best way possible.

Clarke made eye contact with Lexa, but she couldn’t read anything off her face right now. No pleasure-making faces nor sounds coming out of her. But she stayed confident. She would give everything she had in her to win this bet, no matter what.

“It’s not gonna happen. I actually feel kinda bad you think it works.”

“Hmhmm.” Clarke started working harder and faster with her hands as she knew time would pass by fast.

“It’s useless.”

“Yeah? What else?” Clarke said as she pumped Lexa’s dick harder and faster, knowing she had to distract her from working against this. Only then Clarke would win this bet.

Lexa scoffed. “What else? Just that it’s not working.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yes. This is stupid, you know?”

“That’s it, keep talking.”

Lexa snorted. “Clarke, please just give up. It’s hopeless. You know I take bets very seriously-”

“God, you’re so big. I’ll never get over it.” Clarke interrupted, lust making her voice lower than ever, jerking her dick as fast as she had in her.

“I’m- You’re… being… foolish-” Lexa groaned out and Clarke realized this was the moment she won the bet. She locked eyes with Lexa, feeling Lexa’s dick grow only harder, till she stood proudly and defeated at her full length.

Clarke smiled proudly and leaned into Lexa, barely an inch away from her lips.

“I take bets very seriously, too.” She whispered before pecking her lips.

Lexa didn’t say anything. Clarke knew she was too proud for that but Clarke enjoyed every minute of it. They were very competitive.

“The least I could do is give you a consolation prize, huh?”

Clarke hovered above Lexa’s underwear and leaned down, pulling out her dick. She offered Lexa a smile before sucking her into her mouth. Lexa let out a small moan and then bit her lip. Clarke bobbed her head up and down, moaning quietly every time she took Lexa’s whole length into back in her mouth. Her dick poked the back of her throat, but that didn’t stop her.

“You taste so good, babe.” Clarke said as she released Lexa’s dick with a wet pop and wrapped her hand around it, pumping it again. Lexa released a deep, desperate moan. Luckily they were alone.

“Shh, be quiet.” Clarke whispered and licked over her slit before she let her dick disappear in her mouth again.

It was odd not having Lexa jerking her hips into her, but she knew it was difficult for her right now so she kept working hard herself to get Lexa off. She didn’t need any of Lexa’s help to do so anyway.

Clarke bobbed her head up and down again, taking Lexa’s length like a pro. By the sounds Lexa was making, Clarke knew she was close. Clarke reached down with her hand and squeezed her balls continually.

Lexa breathed out harshly and Clarke was jerking her dick hard and fast. She wrapped her mouth around the head of her dick to catch her load just in case. And that’s the moment when Lexa went completely silent. Clarke gave Lexa one more tug before she came in Clarke’s mouth, Clarke swallowing her load like a champ like she had done many times before.

Clarke wiped her mouth before moving up and connecting their lips, feeling Lexa’s hot breath against her lips.

“That was over one minute.” Lexa breathed against her lips and Clarke let out a loud laugh.

“My ass it was. I’m getting you out of here.”

 

____

 

 

“So this is my prison for the next few years. Hey, maybe Finn can join me here.” Lexa said as Clarke helped her get from her wheelchair into bed in their bed. Lexa had been making all these references to Finn this week and she just couldn’t laugh about them. She had started to hate the name ‘Finn’. Clarke just hoped she would stop referencing if she’d ignore it.

“Our bedroom is not a prison and it won’t last that long. Maybe a couple of weeks, months.” Clarke said as she laid Lexa down in their bed. She placed a pillow against Lexa’s back for her to be more comfy.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m still stuck in here, not being able to move one fucking bone in my legs.”

Clarke frowned.

“I’m here with you.”

“Well, not every day.”

“Well, I’m trying to be positive here. Don’t bring me down.”

Lexa let out a sigh. “I’m just having a hard time accepting that all I can do is lay down, I’m sorry. I stopped being positive a few days ago.”

“You haven’t even tried the whole rehabilitation program. You can’t decide right now.”

“Clarke, I feel like a one-year-old. I have to learn to walk all over again.”

“You’ll get better.” Clarke raised her voice now. She couldn’t bear to hear one more negative thought about this whole thing. She couldn’t. She didn’t allow herself to.

“So, what’s the plan then? Because I really don’t want you staying home for me and get a study delay.  I mean it. I’m not behind that plan.”

“What about the nanny thing? We could hire a nursemaid.”

Lexa let out a defeated sigh. “You have no idea how much I hate this.”

“I do know. But this is just temporarily. I promise.”

Another deep sigh. “I don’t know. I can choose the nursemaid myself, right? Otherwise I’m not up for it.”

Clarke’s lips curled up in a smirk, glad she didn’t have to convince Lexa any further.

“Sure, but don’t you think they will freak out when they see you?”

“Gee, thanks, I know I’m not at my best but-”

Clarke let out a laugh. “That’s not what I meant. You’re kind of famous, babe.”

“Oh, that. Well, maybe. Wait, why don’t you talk to them for me and you tell me about them and then I choose?”

“Okay, that could work.”

“Then let it be known. We are looking for a local nursemaid right away.”

 

 

____

 

 

“Thank you for coming. You’ll hear from us.” Clarke shook his hands again and closed the door behind the last contestant and walked upstairs to Lexa.

Clarke threw herself next to Lexa on the bed and let out a tired sigh.

“Well, that was the last one out of the six contestants.”

“Let’s go through them.”

“Yes.” Clarke held up her notes and the contestant’s résumés.  

“This was the first one. Her name is Ontari. Twenty-six years old just like you. Has a degree in physiotherapy and her motivation to work here is getting more experience with patients. Great communication skills. Pretty girl, too.”

“There we go, that was easy. I pick her.” Lexa said stoic.

“Hold your horses. We still have five to go.” Clarke said seriously, knowing Lexa wanted to get this over with right away.

“Fine, let’s hear it.”

“Listen up. This is contestant number two. His name is Titus. Fifty-two years old, has very much experience with healing. Not with medicine but with frankincense and stuff. Stiff guy though.”

“That’s a no.” Lexa immediately said.

“Thought so. Contestant number three’s name is Nyko. Thirty-two years old. Tough, tall guy. Looks more like a bodyguard than anything else, but he’s really nice and committed.”

“Skills? Experience?”

“That was the problem. No experience.”

“Ugh, who’s next?”

“Yeah, moving on. Contestant number four’s name is Roan. Really charming guy-”

“That’s also a no.”

“You didn’t even let me finish.”

“Seriously? Roan? Charming Roan from high school?” Lexa pointed at his picture on his résumé.

“Roan from high- That’s not Roan from- Oh my god it’s Roan from high school. Why didn’t I notice before?” Clarke gasped and Lexa only laughed. It was the first time she heard Lexa laugh this week and even though it was because of something stupid, Clarke didn’t care. At least she was the reason for it. Conclusion that Lexa wasn’t totally bitter after all.

“Next.”

“Really? He was so good.” Clarke pouted. He seemed like the best contestants out there.

“Moving on…”

“Okay, fine. Then buckle up. Because then there’s contestant number five: Nia. Fifty-eight year old mother. Charming _Roan’s_ mother.”

“What?!”

“Yes, I know. Very weird.”

“Looks like we have to hire the pretty girl after all.”

“I guess... There’s one left but he’s not even worth discussing.”

Lexa let out a defeated sigh. “Who is it?”

“His name is Aden. Seventeen year old guy. He just graduated from high school. Sad thing is that he lives with only his father who is dying, so they had to spend all their money to pay for his treatments, which is why Aden needs the money for college. That’s the only experience he has: Taking care of his father.”

Lexa remained silent and Clarke side-eyed her. Not all the contestants were that great, but Clarke had collected all of them in one day. It’s the best she could do for now and they really needed someone who could start working here in two days.

“I want him.”

Clarke raised her eyebrows.

“Excuse me?”

“Aden. He’s the one.”

“A child?”

Lexa shrugged.

“A _child?_ ” Clarke repeated.

“He seems responsible.”

“I’m not letting a child take care of you. You need someone with experience. Someone who knows what they’re doing-”

“He’s taking care of his dying father. I’m sure he knows what he’s doing.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Our deal was that I would choose my nursemaid. I choose him.”  

Clarke sighed out and stood up from her spot, walking nervously around the room.

“Lexa, choose whoever you want, just not the kid for fuck’s sake.”

“I’m choosing Aden. I will call him myself if I have to.”

“Why? Is this my punishment for bringing you home?” Clarke breathed out sharply. It almost looked like Lexa was doing it to mock Clarke.

“What are you talking about? There’s no punishment, okay? There is just something about him. I think he’ll manage just fine here.”

“Jesus, Lexa _._ You can’t be serious.” She sneered. If there could actually come smoke out of a person’s head and ears, Clarke was pretty sure she would have some coming out of her.

To Clarke’s disappointment, Lexa nodded and Clarke really didn’t want to fight again. Although she was completely in her right this time.

“Relax-”

“Do _not_ tell me to relax.”

“Alright… Look, if it doesn’t work out the first few days, we will find somebody else, okay?”

“What?!”

“Yes, we will find someone else if he’s terrible, but I have faith in him.”

“I’m… I don’t-“ Clarke stuttered before letting out a stressed out sigh, trying to think about all the possible good outcomes. She breathed in deeply before breathing out again. She couldn’t believe what she was about to say.

“Okay, you know what? I give him two days to prove himself. That’s all. You’d better be right about this.”

“Good. Thank you.” Lexa smiled gentle.

“Why do you have so much faith in him? You don’t even know him.” Clarke finally asked.

“I don’t know, I just do.”

Clarke took the phone in her hand, handing it to Lexa.

“This is a terrible mistake.”

Lexa took the phone out of Clarke’s hand and gave her a soft grin.

“We’ll see about that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, Breaking Bad.


	7. Chapter 7

“Nice to meet you, Aden.” Lexa said as they shook hands.

“Pleasures all mine, Mrs. Woods. I had no idea I had to nurse a celebrity. This is such an honor.” He smiled wide, trying to keep his cool as Clarke eyed them from the bedroom door.

“Did Clarke pay you to say that? And please, just call me Lexa.” She laughed and Clarke still didn’t have a great feeling about this. Sure, Aden was mature for his age and he needed the money, but these weren’t the factors they had to look at. They were talking about Lexa’s health.   

The teenager’s cheeks turned slightly red and nodded. Clarke decided he was kind of adorable. But still not good enough as Lexa’s nursemaid.

“So, how are you feeling?” The brunet boy asked and Clarke noticed it caught Lexa a little bit off guard.

“I’m managing. I’m guessing Clarke has told you I can’t walk yet?”

“Yes, Mrs. Griffin told me during the interview.”

“Which is why we all need to take care of her.” Clarke said and walked towards the bed. “It’s very important for Lexa to stick to her rehabilitation program which starts in a few days.”

Aden nodded understandably. “Of course. You will get better again.” He softly said with a nice smile and Lexa mirrored him. A little positivity couldn’t heard anybody. Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all.

“Why don’t I show you around the house, Aden?”

“Yes, sure.”

He followed Clarke around the house, sinking in the information Clarke told him about each room.

“And here’s the kitchen. You said you can cook, right?”

“Yes. I cook every day for me and my dad.”

Clarke nodded, feeling sad for him. Clarke knew he had to grow up fast because of his father dying. It wasn’t his own choice. 

“If I may ask, for how long has your dad been sick?”

“He’s been battling cancer for over two years now. He was never going to get better, we were just able to stretch it with medication, but it’s really coming to an end now. He needs to stay in the hospital till then.”

Clarke nodded sadly, her eyebrows knitted together.

“No need to look so sad. I arranged everything for after he passes away.” He said, not even teary eyes while Clarke was struggling not to tear up for him.

“Arranged or not, it’s still hard to lose your father.”

Aden nodded sadly. “It is. He’s my best friend.”

“I know how you feel. I was twelve years old when my dad got into a terrible car accident. He was my best friend, too.”

Aden nodded sadly again, his voice soft. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

Clarke cleared her throat and swallowed back the big lump in her throat. Clarke had always had a hard time accepting that her father left her behind. It was nobody’s fault except from the drunk driver that crashed into her dad’s car. She still couldn’t talk about it without tearing up. She never really found support in her mom, maybe that’s why it hurt so much. They barely talked to each other anymore. She hadn’t even stopped by the hospital when Lexa was there. She and Lexa weren’t the best buddies to say the least.

“I know this must be hard for you, Mrs. Griffin. It’s hard leaving her behind with someone you barely know. But I can assure you she’s in good hands, I promise. If you’d like I can send you a checkup of her every two, three hours by texting you how she’s doing?”

Clarke’s lips softly curled up. He really maybe wasn’t that bad after all.

“Thank you for understanding, Aden. I’m not going to lie and tell you I’m not slightly worried. But you seem like a responsible guy. Lexa chose you.”

Aden smiled full of admiration.

“She did?”

“Yes. And no need to do checkups behind her back. I’ll call her sometime tomorrow to ask how she’s doing.”

“Okay, as you’d like.”

“Oh and please call me Clarke. It’s just Lexa and Clarke for you.”

Aden showed his teeth, smiling wide, his cheeks burning slightly red. He really was an adorable guy.

 

____

 

“I like him.”

“Aden?”

“No, Finn.” Lexa rolled her eyes sarcastically and Clarke was so close of bursting already, but she kept her cool breathing in and out again.

“Yeah, Aden’s a sweet guy.” Clarke said as she grabbed her shoes and sat on the bed, struggling to get her feet in.

“He reminds me a bit of myself when I was his age.”

Clarke snorted. “No way. He’s taking care of his dad and you couldn’t even take care of your hamster at that age, let alone yourself.”

“Okay, well, that was different because I never asked for Mr. Pooch.”

Clarke chuckled. “That’s right, I forgot about his name.”

“He was cute though.” Lexa laughed.

“Yeah. Hey, could you do me a favor please?”

“Anything.”

“I need you to be honest with me and contact me if Aden is not the right contestant for you. We will find someone els-”

“Clarke, he’ll be fine, really. If not, I will call you. I promise.”

“Thank you.” Clarke sighed relieved.

“Of course. I don’t think much can go wrong. I mean, unless you dated him too and shoots me but I don’t think that’s appropriate-”

“Will you _stop_?” Clarke snapped. She raised her voice angrily. She surprised herself with this sudden burst out but she just couldn’t take this anymore. “Just _stop._ It happened to be Finn, so? Yes, I dated him a hundred years ago, but it isn’t my fault he became a psycho-stalker. You don’t think I feel terrible enough already?”

Lexa dropped a silence before speaking.

“I never said that. I just think he should be in jail till he dies, but no. They offered him a freaking health program in his eight years jail time!”

“He is sick, Lexa.”

“He has been using drugs for years causing him this mental disorder. Why are you still defending him?”

“What? When am I ever defending him?! I’m just saying he needs professional help. He is sick, mentally ill.” Clarke raised her voice.

“Okay, that makes sense. I forgive him.” Lexa said sarcastically and Clarke sighed out deeply.

“I’m not saying that you should forgive him, I don’t forgive him either. How could I? Every time I think of him hurting you I just want to do the same thing to him.” Clarke’s voice got louder by the sentence. “Goddammit, I hate him _so_ much for what he did to you, and there was absolutely nothing I could do in my power to prevent it. You have _no_ idea what I went through the day you got shot, okay? I thought I had lost you.”

It made Lexa go completely silent this time. Looking into her eyes right there something changed in them. A sudden guilt in Lexa’s eyes, doubting if she should say something or not. She didn’t say anything back and Clarke decided it was for the best because right now, nothing could save her. So Lexa only stared at Clarke with her big, green guilty eyes as Clarke continued.

“You have no fucking clue, so stop blaming me for his behavior.”

She knew Lexa better than everyone else and when Lexa didn’t even move and remained silent, Clarke had the feeling her words finally seemed to get through her. Lexa reached for her hand but Clarke didn’t let her. She noticed Lexa got calmer by the second and talked normally again in her soft, gentle voice.

“I never blamed you, Clarke.”

“Sure seemed a lot like it.”

“I didn’t, but I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”

Clarke let out a frustrated groan. “This is so fucked up, we are supposed to support each other.”

“I’m sorry, you’re right. It wasn’t my intention to cause a fight again. Or to hurt you. Clarke-”

Clarke remained silent, only now listening carefully to Lexa.

“I know this is no excuse, but I just haven’t been feeling like myself these days because I’m so disappointed in myself. I’m scared and angry that maybe I will never walk again and I take that out on you instead of writing it out like I usually do. I know I shouldn’t take it out on you because you’ve been all but amazing to me. Hey.” Lexa reached for her hand again, this time Clarke let her to not start a bigger fight.

“I don’t want to fight again. I’m just- I hate the thought of him touching you. When I think of that I get so mad.” Lexa remained her soft voice which seemed to have calmed down Clarke only slightly too.

“That was ages ago and very irrelevant right now.” She still stood her ground, crossing her arms.

“I know, I just mean that he’s not a good person and I never thought he deserved you.”

“Again, very irrelevant so stop kissing my ass. It happened over 10 years ago, we were just kids.”

“I’m… I never blamed you, because I know the blame’s all on him.”

“Finally you’re saying something smart.”

Lexa sighed out deeply. “I’ve only just realized I’ve been an asshole to you these last few days.”

“Look at that, another smart thing.” Was all Clarke said and they remained silent for a little while.

“Great. Now that we both agree on that, can I make it up to you? Get you something? A drink? A snack? A hug?”

Clarke shook her head. “I mean, you can’t walk, so...”

“I got crutches and a wheelchair.”

She felt Lexa swipe her thumb over her fingers, soothing her but it wasn’t working this time.

“You could make it up by not talking about Finn anymore. I don’t want to hear his name ever again in this house. I don’t want him controlling over our thoughts and lives because look at us, we’re fighting again because of him. We promised not to fight.”

“Okay. I know. I promise.” Lexa quickly agreed.

“Good.”

They both remained silent, Clarke thinking about a million things at a time, not knowing what to discuss first. Their fights hardly ever lasted for too long like this one, but when they did last long, they were in deep shit.

“I have to go to work.” Clarke grabbed her bag when Lexa stopped her.

“Hey.” Lexa said and Clarke turned to her.

“Call me later?” Lexa asked sweetly. Clarke knew this was Lexa’s way of letting her know she was in the wrong this time. Clarke’s words finally did come through.

“Yeah. But don’t think I’m not still mad at you.”

Clarke said to her one last time and left the room when she heard the doorbell ring. It was Aden. Right on time.

 

____

 

“It’s okay, Clarke.”

“ _Tell Aden I’m really sorry. It won’t be later than 6, I promise._ ”

“I get it. You need to finish up stuff. Take your time.”

“ _I will. So how are you today?_ ”

Lexa smiled. Clarke seemed to have calmed down after this morning, which she was glad about. She hated herself for causing their fight and she wanted to make this right.

“I’m okay. I miss you though.”

She heard Clarke let out a tiny laughter over the phone.

_“Well, who wouldn’t miss me? I’m great company.”_

Lexa smiled. She knew Clarke was joking.

“You are. I finished writing two songs today. I’ll play them for you if you’d like.”

Lexa’s way of expressing her feelings had always been through songs. It was how she managed to be mentally stable, really.

“ _Looking forward to it._ ” Clarke said sweetly.

“Alright. I’ll leave you to it.”

_“Okay, I’ll see you tonight.”_

“I love you.”

_“Love you too. Bye.”_

It would always make her smile when Clarke called her to check in on her. She loved hearing Clarke’s voice. Lexa had to admit though she was always disappointed when Clarke said she had to stay longer at work, especially worried about her if she would work more than 12 hours a day. But one thing she never wanted to do was tell her how to live her life. She knew Clarke could easily choose and think for herself. And she definitely did. All Lexa could do is support her.

“How is Clarke doing?” Aden asked. He had sit down after finally cleaning the whole house. He really was a sweet, caring guy.

“She’s fine. She said she’d come home a little later.”

“Okay. Is everything okay?”

Not that it was any of his business, but Lexa didn’t have anyone else to talk to at this moment, so she couldn’t help but talk.

“Yes. She’s a little mad at me though, and I don’t blame her. It’s just hard to make it up to her by not being able to move from here.”

“I could help you. Do you want me to buy her some flowers?”

“No, it’s okay. I couldn’t ask that from you.”

“Nonsense. I will be right back.”

The boy already got up, walking out of the room.

“Aden! Wait! Please!”

“Yes?” He turned around.

“I can’t stop you?”

“No.”

Lexa let out a sigh. She never thought anyone was more stubborn than herself until now.

“Take some money. She likes Gardenia’s.”

“Okay. See you in a bit.”

“Be careful!” She yelled as she saw the boy disappear. She sure was thankful for him being here.

 

____

 

“Thank you so much, Aden, she will love them. They’re beautiful.”

The boy smiled wide and proudly.

“Hey, would you mind staying another hour since Clarke is coming home later?”

“Not a problem at all. I will cook something for you then.” He said as he got up.

“No need to do that, Aden. Clarke will cook something when she’s home. I wish I could do it, but you know-”

“Clarke will be exhausted after a day like this. I will make you guys dinner.”

Lexa let out a sigh. This kid was stubborn as hell.

“Well, would you at least like to stay for dinner?”

“I shouldn’t.

“Why?”

“I should leave you guys to it.”

“Aden, I’m offering you. Come on, eat with us.” Lexa insisted.

“Well, only if it’s really okay.”

“It really is.”

“Okay. But I can’t stay for too long. I’m going to visit my dad later in the hospital.” He smiled gently.

“Of course. You can always go if you feel like seeing your dad, you know? I’m not in the right place to tell you that you can’t see your dad anytime you want.”

“It’s okay, really. He’s probably asleep right now. He always is.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. So, what was your dad like?”

“My parents got divorced when I was little. I was seven when my dad left us and I never saw him again, so I don’t really know.”

“Oh… I’m sorry.”

“Oh well. Horrible for a father to leave your kid, but Clarke was always there for me. She made me feel like I was never alone.”

“That’s really nice. Mrs. Griffin… I mean Clarke seems really nice.”

“She really is. I’m very lucky to have her.” Lexa smiled quietly, meaning every word she said.

“My mom left us too when I was four years old. Never heard from her again.”

Lexa thought it was almost scary the way they resembled on a few things.

“That really sucks. I know how you feel.”

“Yeah. Would you like to have kids one day?”

“Absolutely.”

“With Clarke?”

Lexa laughed. Obviously. “Yes, with Clarke.”

“What does Clarke do when she’s here with you?”

“Just uh, stuff. Cleaning, paying the bills. House chores. She keeps me company. It’s nice having her around.”

“Do you guys talk a lot?”

“Yeah of course, she’s my best friend. I tell her everything.”

Lexa had done a lot of interviews in her life and Aden could become a journalist easily with the way he was firing questions at her. She didn’t really mind though.

“That’s nice.”

“It really is.”

Even the kid was right about this. It took Lexa longer this week to realize that Clarke was only here to help her. She wasn’t the one to blame. But maybe because she cared so much about her, she got into a fight with _her_. If  that makes sense.

“So Aden, how is your dad doing after all?”

“Not very well. It won’t take long I think.”

Lexa nodded sadly. “What’s his name? Clarke and I will send him our love.”

“Gustus.”

Lexa froze, her heart being torn into a million pieces for hearing that name.

“Did you just say ‘Gustus’?

“Yes, why?”

“That was my dad’s name, too.”

____

“Oh my God what is that delicious smell? You’re cooking anyway? I told you not to.” Clarke said as she took off her jacket.

“Good evening. I know, but you must be exhausted.”

“I’m sorry, good evening, Aden.” Clarke let out a deep breath. She was still hyped from today. She was busy all day long and her adrenaline hadn’t stopped running through her veins. She was just glad this day was over.

“No need to be sorry. You probably had a rough day. Would you like some lasagna?”

Clarke shook her head in disbelief, a smile pressed on her lips.  

“Aden, you’re unbelievable. Thank you. It looks great.”

“Lexa insisted for me to stay for dinner, but I’ll only stay if it’s okay with you.”

“What? Don’t be silly. Of course it’s okay with me. Come on, let’s eat upstairs with Lexa.”

They both walked upstairs to Lexa who was watching TV.

“Hey.” Lexa said happily when she locked eyes with Clarke.

“Hi there, isolated individual.” Clarke chuckled when she saw how happy Lexa was to see her. The girl had probably been bored to death today.

Suddenly Lexa held some beautiful flowers in front of her. Gardenia’s, her favorite.

Clarke raised an eyebrow in surprise.

“For you.” Was all Lexa said.

“Oh my God.” Clarke laughed out and turned to Aden.

“Are you behind this?”

“No, ma’am. It was all Lexa.”

“So she crawled to the store?” Clarke said mockingly, not believing him.

“Aden got them for me.” Lexa interrupted.

“But it was Lexa’s idea.” Aden added.

“I’m- You guys…” Clarke placed a hand on her heart. “You didn’t have to.”

She walked over to Lexa’s open arms and took her into a tight embrace. She had to admit she had missed it today. She had actually missed her.

“I’m sorry.” Lexa whispered and Clarke knew exactly what for.

Clarke surprisingly greeted her with a short but sweet kiss.

“It’s alright.” She whispered back and pecked her lips once more. “Thank you, they’re really beautiful.”

She turned around to Aden.

“Thank you too.”

“Barely did anything.”

Clarke smiled. This small gesture really just warmed her heart.

“Let’s eat, I’m starving.” Clarke said as she sat down and they all started eating.

“My god, this is absolutely great.” Lexa said with her mouth full.

Clarke chuckled. “Lexa, sweetie, we don’t need to see whatever you’re chewing over there.”

“Oops. Sorry.” Lexa said and swallowed and Aden laughed.

“This is absolutely delicious, Aden.” Clarke confirmed.

“Thank you.”

“You should do something with it.” Clarke continued.

“Maybe I will. I would love to become a chef one day.”

“You have the talent for it.” Clarke agreed.

“Thank you.”

“You have to give me the recipe.” Clarke said.

“If I would give it to you, I’d have to kill you.” Aden joked and Clarke was sure this was the first time she had heard him tell a joke so she and Lexa laughed.

“If you do that, I will have to come after you.” Lexa joked back.

Clarke stared at Lexa for a little while and her heart suddenly felt so warm. She had missed seeing Lexa happy. She had missed seeing her smile so much. She was glad to have her back.

Lexa locked their eyes and once again she smiled. A realization came into her mind wondering how Lexa looked always so beautiful and all Clarke could think of was how stupid their fight was this morning. It wasn’t even worth it.

“You okay?” Lexa asked, reaching for her hand.

“Yes, I’m fine.” She smiled back and let Lexa sooth her hand with her fingers.

“Aden was just telling me today how much he would love to play the guitar someday, right? So I’m going to teach him a little, starting tomorrow.”

“Wow, that’s great. Have you ever played an instrument before?”

“Not really. Only at school once or twice. I just fell in love with a guitar’s sound.”

“It’s like I’m hearing Lexa speak.” Clarke chuckled. “It’s great. Lexa’s a great teacher.”

“Has she taught you how to play guitar?”

“No, no. I don’t have the patience for that. But I love when she plays something for me, which has been a long time ago by the way.” Clarke made a joke out of it and they all laughed.

“You’re right, I should play something for you again.”

They exchanged smiles one more time before finishing their plate.

“I’m think I’m going to go.” Aden said after a little while.

“Alright, Aden. See you tomorrow?” Lexa said.

“Absolutely.” He gently smiled and Clarke walked downstairs with him to wave him off.

“Thank you for today, Aden. You’re truly an angel.”

Aden gave her a wide smile, feeling proud.

“No problem. I like it here. You’re nice people.”

Clarke mirrored his smile.

“Can I ask you something before I leave? Something personal?”

“Sure.” Clarke said, not really sure what to expect. He sure did have a thing with personal conversations.

“For how long have you been together with Lexa? Was it before or after she got famous?”

Clarke chuckled, definitely not expecting such a question.

“Before. We’ve been together for almost ten years now. Why?”

Aden nodded obvious and then shrugged.

“I don’t know. From the little time I was with her today it really seems like- well...”

“Like what?” Clarke asked curious.

“It just sounded like you’ve known each other forever.”

Clarke smiled and wondered what Lexa had said about her to him.

“We have. Lexa and I have been best friends since kindergarten. We’ve been there for each other since the very beginning.”

“Right. I hope I don’t come across as rude, but I’m really interested in the way you figured out Lexa was the one for you.”

“It wasn’t that hard for me.”

“But how? How did you tell her? Or did she tell you first?”

“You want me to tell you how it happened?”

Aden nodded. “Yes, but only if you want to tell me.”

Clarke grinned thinking about the time she and Lexa fell in love with each other. It was the greatest time of her life. The beginning of their life together.

“Well, you might want to sit down again, because this is going to be a long story.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, next chapter will be a flashback of younger Clexa and one of my favorite chapters, too.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi! The next chapter is a flashback but I had to cut it in two because it was waaay too long. So this next chapter is only part one... The next one will be up very soon!

“Raven, are you sure this is the right way?” Lexa asked.

“You know I’m never wrong.” Raven said straight up.  

“I just don’t trust really this.” Lexa commented.

“Well, why don’t _you_ drive then?” Raven hissed.

“Okay, let’s not fight ladies.” Anya answered.

“It would really freaking help too if those back there wouldn’t be sucking out each other’s face.” Raven yelled extra loud so Octavia and Lincoln could hear her. They had been making out this whole trip. They started dating a month ago, of course they wanted to make out all the time.

“Oh, let the lovebirds be. This week is supposed to be fun.” Clarke said gently leaned her head against Lexa’s shoulder who was sitting next to her.

The six best friends had been saving up money for the last two years so they could have a nice, last holiday together before they would return to school and soon, go to college. Raven proposed a beautiful winter’s place in California. They were fully booked but luckily she arranged a beautiful wooden cabin in the middle of California, ten minutes away from town and five minutes away from the actual resort.

There was room for exactly six people, three bedrooms and they had already paired up. Obviously Lincoln and Octavia would share a bedroom, Anya and Raven and finally, Clarke and Lexa.

The thought of being with Lexa made Clarke’s chest warm up. Clarke had never felt like she had a home, but Lexa… She was that. She was Clarke’s home and safety and Clarke would gladly share a room with her for the rest of her life.

Raven drove for another ten minutes and finally, they saw the cabin. It had a beautiful surrounding, snowy in the middle of the mountains. They got out of the car and noticed a man standing there, waiting for them.

“Welcome to Snow Valley Mountain.” The other man said. “My name is Charles Pike, please call me Pike. I am here to answer any of your questions, help you with guidance, anything you’d like.” The man held up a key. “Now, this is the key to the house. Who should I give it to?”

“Obviously me.” Raven said as she took the key. The rest stayed silent and accepted it.

“Do you need any help with your suitcases?” Pike asked.

“No thanks. They’re not that heavy.” Lexa explained and Clarke chuckled silently. She knew Lexa hated when others would help her lift stuff. She always said she was strong enough to do it herself.

“Okay. Enjoy your stay.”

They all thanked him as they got their suitcases and carried them to the front door. Clarke sighed desperately, Lexa lied when she said the suitcases weren’t heavy. Rolling them was a no-go in this snowy weather. Lexa even brought an extra suitcase, her guitar. She couldn’t live without her guitar. She’d rather die than not kiss her guitar at least once a day. Clarke was sure Lexa would end up as a musician one day, she was great at singing and playing the guitar. Clarke loved hearing her make music.

“Raven hurry up. I’m freezing.” Clarke said shivering as she saw Raven couldn’t manage to open the door.

“Yes, I’m trying. Do you know how hard it is opening a door with frozen hands?”

“We get it, we’re all freezing, now open the door!” Octavia said as she leaned into Lincoln’s arms.

“Jesus, let me.” Lexa said as she took the keys out of Raven’s hand. Pressure or no pressure, finally Lexa was able to open the door and one by one, they walked inside. Thank god for Lexa.

They looked around them, eyes wide. The cabin looked bigger on the outside than on the inside, but still it was pretty alright. There was a living room with a TV, a fireplace, a kitchen with everything in it, even a hot tub in the corner.

They were all amazed as they went to explore upstairs, claiming the best bedroom. Lincoln and Octavia ended up getting the first bedroom and immediately closed their door.

“We’re gonna heat each other up!” Octavia yelled from their room.

“God, don’t need to be so obvious about it!” Raven yelled back and the others laughed but Raven herself couldn’t laugh about it. Typical stressful Raven. Lexa and Raven loved each other to death, but sometimes Clarke was sure they could kill each other. They were too similar sometimes.

Lexa and Clarke walked to their new bedroom and Lexa closed their door behind her. Clarke sat down on their barely double-sided bed. The room was cozy and small. A wooden closet, two nightstands and a chair. Perfect for the two of them. _Finally_ the two of them, Clarke thought.

Clarke gazed at Lexa who was standing by the window, hands in her pockets and always so confident. The way her body­-silhouette formed in the daylight caught Clarke’s eye immediately. She looked so stunning.

“It’s freezing in this house.” Clarke said shivery.

Lexa turned around to sit down next to Clarke and chuckled silently. She shifted a little against Clarke, moving into her body while Clarke slipped her hands around her waist, pulling her more firmly into her embrace. They sighed in time with each other and if she was being honest, it was the warmest Clarke had felt in a long time.

“This place must be your worst nightmare then.”            

Clarke only nodded and they stayed there for a while as Clarke enjoyed Lexa’s warmth. Lexa had always made her feel warmer than any fire ever lit. She loved how affectionate Lexa always was with her and vice versa. Unfortunately, the calm of the moment was broken too soon for Clarke’s liking.

“I’ll be sure to check the heater in a moment.”

“Okay, thank you.”

“Of course.”

“This is nice. Being here with all of my best friends.”

Clarke nodded into Lexa’s neck.

“Yeah.”

“Especially with my bestest friend.” Lexa squeezed her arms tighter, showing her affection and Clarke’s heart warmed. Lexa had always been so warmhearted and gentle with her, it could make her smile through her worst days.

“I know, you’re keeping me warm.” Clarke couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped her as she tightened her grip around Lexa.

Lexa let out a laugh. “Glad to hear I’m here for just that reason.”

Clarke smiled and they both went silent for a while, Lexa still tucked into her as close as possible.  

She could definitely stay here forever.

 

____

 

 

“After you, my lady.” Lincoln told Lexa as he opened the door for her.

“You disgust me.” Lexa rolled her eyes which made Lincoln and Clarke laugh. They walked inside the restaurant and sat down. After a while they ordered their food.

Clarke looked around her. This was truly a peaceful and nice place to be right now. All of her best friends in the same room having fun, Lincoln and Octavia being totally in love, Anya and Raven flirting hopelessly but Raven being too naïve to admit it, and then there was Lexa. Her favorite and the most beautiful person out of everyone here.

Clarke wasn’t sure how a beauty like Lexa had even looked at her twice, but Clarke got to look at her right now and she felt her heart nearly stop. Looking at her like this, unbroken and free, Clarke realized loving her was a privilege. Clarke believed it was what she was meant to do in her life, and she would gladly surrender to it.

“What?” Lexa asked as she took another bite of her vegetables.

“What?” Clarke shook her head.

“You were staring at me.” Lexa chuckled.

Clarke felt her cheeks burn up. “Oh, sorry. I guess I’m tired.”

Lexa only nodded and peacefully continued eating. Clarke silently continued eating. Soon, they finished and paid the check and agreed to walk into town for a little bit. It was already dark and very cold so Clarke wasn’t really looking forward to walking a lot. But she didn’t protest.

“After you, my lord.” Lexa told Lincoln as he held the door open for her.

“Why, thank you so much.” Lincoln said, hand placed surprisingly on his chest as Lexa laughed.

Lexa had always seen Lincoln as her big brother and Lincoln thought of Lexa as his sister. They were close like brother and sister and even though Lincoln had a girlfriend now, he never gave Lexa less attention than before.

After a while, Lincoln and Octavia were walking up front, hand in hand. They just couldn’t let go of each other and Clarke wished she would have that kind of love one day. Right now, there wasn’t anyone else she wanted to hold hands with than with Lexa.

“Give me your hand, Reyes.” Anya commanded.

“Why?”

“Because I’m cold.”

“That’s not a logical reason-”

“Just hold me.” Anya interrupted her as she shoved her hand into Raven’s. They remained silent and Clarke and Lexa laughed at the situation.

“Luckily I’m not that difficult.” Clarke whispered playfully as she hold out her hand and Lexa laughed.

“Thank God. I was almost afraid to ask you.”

Lexa’s hand was already searching for Clarke’s, fingers fitting back to their rightful place –intertwined in each other. Clarke loved how tender and caring they had always been with each other. The fact that she had finally admitted to herself that she was crazy in love with her best friend, was a huge deal for her. Nobody knew Clarke felt this way about her. Nobody even knew she was also into girls. And it scared her to death to ever tell anyone, especially to Lexa.

“I love this little town. It’s cozy with all the lights and snow.” Lexa said.

“Yeah, it’s really cute.” Clarke agreed and Lexa gave her a sweet smile. Clarke decided she should always smile as far as she’s concerned. Nobody should ever have the right to take away that beauty from the world.

Clarke felt her cold hand getting warmer and warmer intertwined in Lexa’s, afraid she would get sweaty and gross out Lexa so she tried to loosen her grip without Lexa noticing.

“Do you think O and Lincoln will be more than five seconds apart from each other in the next week?” Lexa whispered and Clarke snorted.

“Of course not. In fact, I don’t think they’re ever going to be apart from each other again.”

Lexa laughed and agreed.

“But I don’t know why everyone has a problem with it. I think they’re adorable.”

“Hey, I don’t have a problem with it. I guess I’m just a tiny bit jealous at what they have, you know?”

The words took Clarke’s breath away, focused on her long, brown locks and the way it falls over her shoulder. Clarke wanted to tell her that she could be that person who never wants to be away from her more than five seconds, but instead she bit her tongue.

“Let’s go back to the cabin, guys.” Raven proposed.

“What? Already?” Lexa protested. “You can’t seriously consider going back to the cabin already.”

“Well why don’t you just explore town a bit by yourself? We’ll manage just fine inside the cabin.” Raven said mockingly.

“Guys, come on. We just walked for like ten minutes.” Lexa tried, but nobody was feeling it.

“I want to go back too.” Anya got Raven’s back.

Lexa turned to Lincoln and Octavia and shrugged.

“Sorry, Lexa. It’s a no from me too.” Octavia said.

“Really guys? Lincoln?”

Clarke gently squeezed her hand to get her attention. She wasn’t really feeling it either if she was being honest.

“We’re all tired Lexa. We’ve been out all day.”

Lexa sighed and put a hand on her forehead, rubbing her temples.

“Yeah, okay. I guess you’re right.”

“So when Clarke’s tells you ‘no’ it’s suddenly okay?” Raven hissed.

“Get off my back, Reyes.” Lexa said through gritted teeth.

“No fighting.” Octavia warned.

Lexa let out an annoyed sigh and they walked back to the rental car, Lexa never letting go of Clarke’s hand.

“I’m totally freezing.” Anya protested.

“See, I told you holding hands wouldn’t warm you up.” Raven said unknowing.

They all started laughing and Anya turned around from the front seat to Clarke and Lexa. Everyone saw Anya was flirting with her, but Raven was too naïve to see it.

“Can you believe this?” Anya asked unbelievable.

Clarke rested her head on Lexa’s shoulder as she felt Lexa wrapping an arm around her. Clarke’s head was tucked into her neck and the warmth sliding down her skin made this moment all too real. She wished she could stay here forever, or at least for tonight.

Back at the cabin, everyone wanted to try out the hot tub, unfortunately for Clarke. They all changed into their swimsuits and got in the tub. Clarke was the last one to change and get in because she spend at least fifteen minutes looking at herself in the mirror and overthinking her insecurities she had about her body. She hated when everyone’s eyes were focused on her half naked body. She was the only one in the group who had curves and so she covered her body with her arms as she walked downstairs. She took a deep breath before quickly getting into the hot tub.

Clarke noticed everyone turned to look at her, especially Lexa and suddenly she felt even more hideous. What would Lexa think about her? It wasn’t the first time she’d seen here like this, but it sure had been a long time knowing Clarke felt insecure. It was always easy for Lexa, Clarke thought she looked amazing in her swimwear, half naked. The girl worked out a lot and Clarke wasn’t complaining at all.

Clarke watched Lexa coming over to her and settled down next to her. Lexa didn’t say a word, she just stared at the others who were talking. Clarke didn’t feel like saying anything either. She just stared down to the water.

“Hey.” Lexa finally spoke.

Clarke fake smiled at her and quickly looked down again to her hideous body. At least she thought it was hideous, and it didn’t make her feel better that Lexa just took a good look at her.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Are you sure?” Lexa locked their eyes and Clarke felt even more embarrassed now.

Clarke was able to look at her properly now. Lexa’s hair looked a little messy, up in a bun and some loose hair falling half-across her cheek. But if Clarke looked long enough into her eyes she thought she might drown. She was a sight like no other and it was the first thing Clarke wanted to look at first every morning.

“I’m sure.”

“I like your bikini. It really suits you.” She turned to Clarke and smiled sweetly. Clarke felt her chest flutter, even though she strongly disagreed with her.

“It was especially designed for pigs, can’t you see?”

Lexa snorted. “I _knew_ it was bothering you. I know you too well, Griffin.”

“Can you really blame me?”

“Yes! You literally have the most _sexy_ body I’ve ever seen, Clarke. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Clarke almost choked on her spit and could feel herself blushing a little. She had never heard the word ‘sexy’ come out of Lexa’s mouth and certainly not to Clarke herself.

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better. Finn never thought so.”

“Okay, Finn is a jackass and I actually meant what I said. Now, put those arms somewhere else instead of trying to hide your body with them.” Lexa said as she tried pulling her hands away but Clarke refused. It wasn’t an aggressive way of hand gripping Clarke. It was always the gentle way and it made Clarke’s heart flutter the way their hands touched under water.

Clarke soon gave up and Lexa managed to hold Clarke’s hands so that she wouldn’t cover up her body anymore. Maybe Clarke didn’t try her hardest to struggle against it anymore if it meant she could hold Lexa’s hands.

Clarke eyed Lexa and she was gorgeous as always, even with her hair falling down her cheek like that and her lips a little chapped from all the biting she was doing. Clarke leaned back, falling purposely in Lexa’s arms, their warm bodies touching. Lexa pulled Clarke back by wrapping her arms around her waist and Clarke was almost too scared to breathe. The waves her gentle touches send through her body were almost too much to handle. Clarke failed to ignore her heart was almost beating out of her chest because she still felt her touch, her arms tightening their grip around her.

They both remained silent for a long time. Clarke felt like saying something, but she didn’t know what to say so she just peacefully looked around her, noticing Anya and Raven bickering about something again but she knew it was Anya’s way of flirting. Octavia and Lincoln were making out again.

All she wanted was to kiss Lexa, run her hands over her cheeks and twirl her fingers in her hair. All she wanted was Lexa pulling her close, for her to push her lips against her own…

“Hey, guys. I need to talk.” The comfortable silence was broken too soon by Anya.

“Hey, An. What’s up?” Lexa said as she slowly let go off Clarke. Too unfortunate.

“Am I that bad at flirting that Raven has no clue what I want to do to her?” She whispered.

“Wait, all this time it was you flirting?” Lexa whispered back. “No wonder the girl has no clue.”

“Oh my- Fuck. I mean, you guys all notice, right?”

“Yeah, but we’re outsiders.”

“So?”

“What Lexa means is that you need to step up your game.” Clarke interrupted. “We can all see it, but Raven’s just too naïve.”

“Right…”

“Where is she anyway?” Clarke asked as she looked around for Raven.

“Bathroom. But how do I step up my game?”

“Okay, you can’t flirt so that’s a no-go.” Lexa started.

“Like you’re a star at it, huh.” She hissed back.

“Alright fine. Look, why don’t you just simply tell her?”

“Tell my crush that I like her? I think I’d rather be crushed by two trains and be set on fire, thank you very much.”

“Well, she’s not making a move either. At least kiss her or something.”

Clarke listened carefully to their conversation, hoping she would find the answer on how to use it for herself if she would ever tell Lexa.

“ _Kiss_ her? What kind of advice- Clarke, please help here.”

Clarke sighed out deeply. She was really not the right person to ask. She couldn’t even tell the person she liked.

“Me? I’m- I don’t know.” And then suddenly something smart came up inside Clarke’s head. “Why don’t you try to be more affectionate with her?”

“Like, holding hands? I tried that today and you heard what she said.”

“Okay, maybe cuddle her more often. The weather is cold, tell her you’re cold so she maybe cuddles you.” Clarke swallowed loudly and side eyed Lexa, but she couldn’t read her face.

“She’ll probably tell me to wear a warmer sweater or something. I’m so screwed.”

“Okay well, just try and set a mood when it’s just the two of you. Then tell her because I think Raven doesn’t get any hints.”

“Clarke’s right. You should always tell a person if you like  them. You’ve liked Raven for years. Go tell her already.”

“You fuckin- Okay, you know what? I’m not going to follow your advice because you never follow mine.” Anya said and that’s when Raven jumped in the hot tub again, waiting for Anya to come over to her.

“We should totally open a dating office. We could make tons of money with our advice.” Lexa said with a straight face.

“Yeah right, because that went so well.” Clarke snorted.

Lexa laughed and unexpectedly put a soft hand on Clarke’s lower back and Clarke nearly jumped.

“You tired?” Lexa asked.

Clarke nodded carefully and that’s when Lexa got out to get their towels, Clarke already missing her warm touch. Clarke couldn’t help but to glance at how good she looked in swimshorts and a bikinitop. All she wanted was to brush her fingers over her abs, wanting to feel what that was like. Now _that_ was a sexy body.

“Here.” Lexa handed Clarke the towel and all Clarke could think of was that Lexa was kind enough to get her towel because she knew she felt uncomfortable. Any more reasons to love this girl?

“Goodnight guys.” Clarke said as she got another few goodbyes back from the group and followed Lexa to their room.

They changed into their pajamas as they settled next to each other in bed, wrapped up into each other.

Lately Clarke felt like she had to finally deal with her real feelings. And Lexa had to be the first person to know about it. She wanted her to know, especially after that conversation with Anya. She needed to tell Lexa how she felt about her.

Clarke breathed in deeply, before breathing out again.

“Lexa?” She whispered.

Nothing.

“Lexa?” She whispered louder.

Still nothing. Clarke froze for a moment and her courage went away by the second. Maybe tomorrow was the right time. Just maybe.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The flashback continues.
> 
> Fair warning: sin.

A few days passed and Clarke had decided she would wait until after this holiday to tell Lexa how she felt. It could wait (it couldn’t, but she was too scared).

The next few days they spend their afternoons exploring different little towns, but this day had been a long day in particular, especially since Clarke hadn’t slept much last these last few days combined. She kept thinking about this whole situation. Nobody knew how she felt, and she wasn’t ready to talk about it to people. Especially Lexa, although she was the one who knew everything about her. It was killing her.

This day went fast and at night, they decided to do a game night, charades. They paired up again and switched up teams. Anya and Clarke, Lexa and Lincoln, Octavia and Raven.

Of course, Raven would do anything to win this, no matter what and it managed to step up everyone’s game.

They laughed, had fun, they screamed whenever they would win points, they ate and drunk and as they expected, Octavia and Raven were winning.

“You guys are totally cheating!” Lexa claimed, pointing at the winning team.

“Wow, Raven, do you hear nothing as well?” Octavia said and Raven shook her head.

“All I hear is jealousy from the loser-teams!” Raven said and high fived Octavia.

“Whatever, I’m getting drinks, what do you guys want?” Lexa laughed and stood up.

Everyone yelled their drinks at Lexa as she went to get them.

“I’ll help.” Clarke said and followed Lexa to the kitchen.

“Hey.” Lexa smiled as Clarke came in after her.

“Need help?”

“Appreciate it.” Lexa said as she grabbed her phone and stared at it in silence. Meanwhile Clarke was getting all the drinks.

“I thought I was only here to help. Come on, hand me some beers, will you?”

Lexa looked up. “Hm? Yeah. Sorry.” Lexa put her phone away and got some drinks for them, but Clarke saw something was bothering her.

“You okay there?”

Lexa eyed her worriedly.

“I was actually uh- So… Yeah... I mean… Yeah, that.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. “Great explanation.”                                   

“Sorry, I just… I’ve been receiving a lot of texts this week. From Costia.” Lexa said nervously. “And I don’t know what to do about it.”

Clarke’s stomach twisted and almost spilled her drink. She cleared her throat not wanting to sound vulnerable.

“What is she saying?”

“Basically, she wants to get back together. She keeps texting me on how much she wanted to come with me to this vacation. To be here with all of you. But it’s been months since we’ve talked, you know? It’s weird.”

Clarke went silent for a while. Longer than she intended. This hurt more than she intended it to. She couldn’t bear the thought of Costia being here all over Lexa while she watched them being affectionate with each other. She never liked Costia either, she was always arrogant and jealous towards Clarke, but Clarke never told Lexa that. Clarke knew Costia wanted to create a fight between her and Lexa, but luckily Clarke knew better than that and never let her get into her head.

Lexa sighed to break the silence. “But I don’t know. Yeah. Let’s get the drinks.”

“Do you want to get back together?” Clarke asked softly.

“I don’t- know. Our relationship wasn’t always great with all the fighting and I’m actually over her.”

Clarke nodded, feeling relieved, but she knew a ‘but’ was coming from Lexa. “But?”

Lexa shrugged. “I don’t know. She’s not a bad person I guess, maybe I should give us another try. It’s better than dying single, right?”

“You’re not dying single, I’m sure of that.”

Lexa shrugged. “I don’t know, what would you do if you were me?”

Clarke let out a soft sigh. If she would answer that honestly, she wouldn’t be a great friend to her right now, because she wanted Lexa all to herself.

“I would do whatever makes me happy.”

Lexa nodded as they both remained silent. Clarke couldn’t explain why, but she regretted saying that as soon as she said it. She thought about being brave again. About telling Lexa the truth. Risking it all. Risking their friendship. So with all of the courage she had in her, she locked eyes with Lexa.

“Actually, Lexa. I don’t think you should do it-”

“Where are my fucking drinks?!” Anya yelled as she pushed the kitchen’s door open. She walked over to Clarke and grabbed her drink.

“Great, now come on. We’re waiting for you.” Anya said and walked away.

Clueless Lexa laughed and followed Anya into the living room, but not until Clarke grabbed her hand and followed her, too. Why was the universe making this so hard for her?

 

____

 

“Raven’s really getting on my nerves today.” Lexa suddenly said as she settled down next to Clarke in bed. Today it was an early night because they were all tired after the gamenight and wanted to get some rest for their last day here tomorrow.

“She’s a control freak. But she means well.”

“I know.”

“Also, you’re getting on her nerves as well.” Clarke said.

“Thanks for your support. I don’t know what I would do without you.” Lexa laughed out and nuzzled closer to Clarke. Clarke melted into her arms and let out a quiet laugh. She wanted to stay here forever and feel Lexa’s warmth, watching her fall asleep and listen to her steady, soft breaths she’d let out.

“Goodnight, Clarke.”

“Goodnight.”

Lexa tightened her grip around Clarke and let out a deep sigh. Clarke was afraid to move in case Lexa would let her go, so she laid as still as possible and slowly, very slowly she fell asleep, with Lexa on her mind.

A little later Clarke slowly blinked her eyes open. It was still dark in the room and Clarke felt really cold. Probably the reason why she woke up in the middle of the night. She looked around her. No Lexa. She waited five more minutes for Lexa to come back, but now she couldn’t sleep anymore so she got out of bed and went downstairs.

She grabbed herself some water but also downstairs, no Lexa. Then she heard a sound she would recognize everywhere; Lexa’s angelic voice.

Clarke grunted when she heard the voice coming from outside. She hated the cold. She put on her jacket and followed Lexa’s voice outside. It was incredibly dark and there was a low fence a few steps away next to the cabin with a few lights around it. It looked all Christmassy, Clarke loved it.

She stepped closer to the fence and there she finally saw her, holding her guitar. Clarke froze right next to Lexa and couldn’t help but stare at her. She was so beautiful. So young and unrestrained, beautifully fragile and in so many ways so innocent. Clarke’s heart fluttered at the sight right in front of her, Lexa’s voice managing to make more room in Clarke’s heart for love and warmth and safety, tenderness and right there Clarke knew she would never feel the same way about anyone the same way she felt about Lexa.

“Hey.” Lexa suddenly jumped and turned around.

“That was beautiful. New song?” Clarke said softly.

Lexa chuckled. “Thanks. And yes, I’ve been writing new songs lately. So what are you doing up?”

“I could ask you the same.” Clarke said as she leaned against the fence.

Lexa sighed. “I couldn’t sleep so I wanted to relax with some music. Look at the beautiful surroundings a bit. You?”

Clarke looked around her. It sure was beautiful at night.

“Same. I noticed you weren’t lying next to me so I went looking for you. And here you are.”

“Here I am.” Lexa repeated slowly.

They both went silent and it made Clarke nervous. She knew something was bothering Lexa. Otherwise she wouldn’t be awake right now writing songs. Lexa would always wright songs about her feelings, that way she could express them way better then in just words.

“You’re not cold?” Lexa asked.

Clarke would lie if she said she wasn’t.

“Freezing. You couldn’t play the guitar by the fireplace or something?” She joked.

Lexa let out a laugh and stepped towards Clarke to hug her from behind. Briefly Clarke’s thoughts wandered and she thought that Lexa had always known her so well, so deeply and intimate. But as fast as they came, the thoughts disappeared when Lexa moved her hands around Clarke’s belly, gentle as ever.

“Thanks.” Clarke smiled and her heart couldn’t help but clench and flutter at Lexa’s touch.

Lexa placed her chin on Clarke’s shoulder. She wanted to yell and shout the way she felt about Lexa. She wanted to tell her that she meant the world to her. But how on earth would she ever tell her?

“Everything okay?”

Lexa waited a bit before answering. “Yeah. I’m okay.”

“I know you well enough to tell you’re lying.”

Lexa sighed and laughed a little out of disbelief.

“I don’t know, Clarke. I guess I’m just- I keep thinking about some stuff that worries me.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know.”

“Lexa, you can talk to me.”

“No, I know that. It’s just that I’m worried about multiple things. Like school. And Costia. Going home and graduate. What will I do next? College? I wish I could stay here forever and not having to deal with all of it.”

“What about Costia?” Clarke couldn’t let it slip, it was the first thing she thought of.

“I thought about that and I know broke up with her for a reason, you know? I don’t want to get back together because I know it won’t end well and I don’t know how to tell her that. She’ll definitely cry again but I’m just not in love with her.”

Clarke nodded understandably, but felt _so_ relieved hearing Lexa say that. She didn’t even feel bad for Costia to sound egoistic.  

“It’ll be fine. She’ll be fine. You’ll graduate. You’ll study something you love.”

“Yeah? What if I never see my friends again after graduating? What if I never see _you_ again?”

That made Clarke go completely silent. She didn’t know Lexa thought about such things and suddenly the need to tell her how she felt about her felt ten times stronger.

“We’ll still see each other.” Clarke said sweetly.

“I really hope so. I just can’t miss you, you know?”

Clarke heard the quiet, soft voice she’d recognize anywhere murmuring gently beside her ear and it soothed her. She allowed herself to revel in the feel of her arms before turning around to face Lexa, knowing she really meant what she said by only looking into her eyes.

“Hey, we’ll be fine. Even if our colleges are far away from each other, I can still come over and vice versa. You know, by car or by plane or whatever. And we’ll have movienights and gamenights and we’ll bake cookies and we’ll fall asleep cuddling.” Clarke gently smiled. Lexa’s arms around Clarke felt a little tense by now and pulled her so unintentionally close that her lips were hovering a few inches away from Clarke’s.

“I’d really like that.”

Lexa’s words sounded so broken and desperate. Clarke had already seen her broken far too many times and she knew it was absolutely the worst to see her like that. But at this moment, something was different. Something snapped inside Clarke and it was almost like a reflex, purely instinctual, a grip Lexa had on Clarke’s heart that helped her move closer. This time their lips barely an inch away.

Maybe it was just the urge to kiss her that she couldn’t resist any longer or the tiny gap between them that made it easy for her to kiss Lexa, she wasn’t really sure. But then, for the briefest moment Clarke pressed her lips to Lexa’s, slowly and gently, without doubting this time. Her arms still wound tight around Clarke before Clarke pressed her lips harder to hers. Clarke was ready to pull back because Lexa wasn’t kissing her back, when she felt Lexa so softly pull her bottom lip in her mouth. She kissed her back so softly and how cliché was it that a kiss like this could distract the mind so much it had to stop and relearn how to properly function.  

Finally, all the waiting and the heartbreaks were worth it. She found herself being lost in their kiss, kissing her over and over again, afraid that if she’d let go, she’d lose her.

Clarke’s legs had never felt so shaky and unsteady like right now. They shook beneath her and leaned her weight against Lexa who had no problem catching her. This kiss. This kiss wiped every kiss she ever had off the billboard. This would forever be her favorite kiss.

She thought she had been kissing Lexa for hours but when Lexa finally managed to pull back, she realized it was only seconds.

“What are you doing?” Lexa breathed after they parted, her forehead resting against Clarke’s and her breath hot against Clarke’s lips.

“I think I just kissed you.” Clarke said very slowly, still trying to process.

“I know. I was there.”

Clarke felt ready after being this brave and tell her what she felt. The need to tell her was at its highest at the moment. And Clarke did, voice soft.

“I’m just going to lay it out there, I think… I just…” Clarke inhaled deeply and let out a shaky sigh. “I love you. I mean, God, I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember.” Clarke breathed out. “Wow it feels so good to say that out loud.”

Clarke paused for a while, trying to read Lexa’s expression but failing. She had no idea what the girl was thinking which was the first time ever.

“I’ve always felt things for you but I never really understood what those feelings meant… until a little while ago.” Clarke continued and Lexa only listened.

“I’m just simply in love with you.” She repeated, voice strong and more sure this time.

The burden in her chest disappeared bit by bit, still not knowing what to expect from Lexa. But she was ready to hear whatever she had to say. Good or bad.

Lexa kept staring at her, eyes wide as ever as Clarke could drown in the green of her eyes.

“You’re… _in love_ with me? Are you sure?”

Clarke nodded slowly, her hands shaky and she was sure she was almost going to pass out from her nerves. “Yes. How could I not, Lexa? And I want you to know that it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way. I just wanted you to know.”

Clarke swallowed loudly, chewing nervously on her bottom lip.

“No, no. Are you kidding me? Oh my God.” Lexa slipped her hands into Clarke’s, gently squeezing. “Clarke, I mean… I’ve been in love with you since the day we met.”

Clarke blurred out everything around her, focused on Lexa. She was too busy letting the warmth of her words wash over her and she didn’t know of how much she needed to hear them until they left Lexa’s lips.

“You what?” Her voice was vulnerable and desperate, focused on Lexa’s lips as words left her. “Since I first laid eyes on you when I was like four years old. All these years… It’s always been you, Clarke.”

Clarke’s breath caught at that and her heart clenched before fluttering, getting the most warm feeling from it. She was sure there were some tears in Lexa’s eyes but she was also smiling so beautifully, it was the most wonderful thing to see. This was all so wonderful.

“Are you serious?”

“Yes. You have no idea what you are to me. Not even the tiniest clue-”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“I was too afraid to lose you.” Lexa said softly.

“You could never lose me. You’re everything to me, Lexa.”

Lexa smiled and they both relaxed into their touches, leaning more towards each other.

But nothing really mattered any more than Lexa’s words from a moment ago. She was in love with her, too, and it was the most wonderful feeling in the world.

“I have so many questions.” Lexa whispered, feeling a little overwhelmed, Clarke could tell.

“Ask away.” Clarke smiled gently. She was nervous for her questions, she had to admit, still feeling like this was unreal and not knowing what to expect.

“Does anybody else know?”

“About my feelings for you? No.”

Lexa nodded understandably.

“So nobody knows you’re into girls? Since when are you into girls? How did you know?”

Of course that must be the most confusing part for Lexa and Clarke chuckled at it.

“Right, that. I’m not only into girls. I’m pretty sure I’m bi. And if that’s not okay with you-”

“What? Clarke, no.” Lexa slid her hand to her cheek, brushing her fingers over Clarke’s skin and Clarke felt home. If anything, home should feel like this.

Lexa’s lips curled into a beautiful smile. “Why would I mind that when you just told me you love me? You being yourself is all I truly care about. I just want you to be happy. With me.”

Lexa mirrored Clarke’s smile making her chest warmer and she thought she might love her a little more now, if even possible.

Clarke couldn’t help but lean in again, completely instinctual, crashing their lips together. It was harder and more sure than before, because there were no unspoken words between them anymore. Clarke knew now she felt the same way. Lexa pulled her closer, Clarke’s arms reaching for her long, brown locks.

Clarke finally kissed her with everything she had in her, all the words left unsaid, all the feelings she never got to show. She kissed her hard and urgent, Lexa’s hands searching for her cheeks and slowly wandering into her hair and her grip was strong and so safe. All Clarke could think of was that she knew she was hers. She was finally hers and nothing could take that away from her, ever.

They awkwardly stumbled against each other while going back inside. Walking upstairs, they clumsy took off their coats and laughed.

“Shh. You’re gonna wake up everyone.” Clarke smiled.

“I don’t care.” Lexa smiled and pressed her lips harder against Clarke’s.

They whimpered their way back into the bedroom where they just stood in the middle of the room, eagerly kissing. Lexa’s arms were wrapped tightly around her, pulling her closer if even people. Clarke’s head was spinning and thought of how good it felt to finally kiss her the way she’d longed for a long time.

She never thought this moment would turn out like this. Lexa pinning her up against the desk, kissing her, telling her she loved her. Clarke was kissing her back eagerly and when Lexa let out a tiny, soft moan, Clarke’s knees almost buckled.

Lexa slid her hand under Clarke’s shirt, reaching behind her, ready to unclasp her bra.

“Wait.” Clarke rushed out. Lexa’s breath was hot against hers as they waited against each other.

“Did I hurt you?” Lexa sounded worried.

“No.” Clarke laughed. “I just-“

“You don’t want to do this. I’m sorry, I got caught up in the moment.”

“No, I do.” Clarke immediately said. She really did want to do this. She had been waiting such a long time for this moment, she had only dreamt of it many times before.

“I just… You… Condom?” She said a little shyly, not really caring to say anything more.

Lexa’s lips curled into a gentle smile and there was no other sight like it.

“You’re sure? You’re not weirded out by me?”

Clarke knitted her eyebrows together, almost furious at her for saying those things.

“Don’t say things like that. Of course I’m not.”

“You just know how Costia thought about it.”

Clarke nodded, not wanting to talk about Costia right now.

“I’m nothing like her, Lexa.” She said softly. “I really want this, so did you bring a condom or not?”

“Shit, no, no, I did never expect this to happen. _Fuck._ ”

“It’s okay.” Clarke was slightly disappointed but it was understandable. Clarke never thought this would happen, either.

“Lincoln probably has brought tons.”

Clarke bit her lip, smiling. He definitely had tons.

“I could quickly check the bathroom or something and hope for the best. I’ll be right back.” She pecked Clarke’s lips one more time and left the room. Clarke stood in the middle of the room trying to process what was happening, touching her lip with her index finger and she felt they were still a little tingly from the kiss. All she knew was that she really wanted this and she hoped Lexa would come back with a damn condom.

And she did, within less than a minute.

“I can’t believe I found one.”

Clarke gasped softly, feeling relieved as ever as she pulled in her again, continuing where they left off. She knew it was rushed, the way Lexa bit her lip and twirled her tongue with hers, or the way Lexa reached under her shirt again, resting it just below her breast.

Her hips pushed into Clarke’s and she kissed her like she had been thirsty all her life. Lexa unclasping Clarke’s bra and sliding her hands to her backside, gripping her ass and squeezing until she moaned out into her mouth. It felt new Lexa pulling her closer than ever and Clarke knew this was what they both wanted, everything else was pointless.

Clarke felt Lexa’s hands sliding to her waist, tugging on her shirt as she got out of her own shirt and for a moment Lexa froze, eyes wide and focused on her breasts. Clarke had been so wound up in her own lust and emotions that she hadn’t even thought once of her insecurities until now so she covered herself with her arms.

“No, no. Let me see you.” Lexa said softly as she gently pulled Clarke’s arms away from her chest. As soon as she dropped her arms, she saw Lexa stare at her hungrily, eyes dark. A look she had never seen before on her but she didn’t mind a single bit.

“You are _so_ beautiful.” She whispered and captured her lips again, her hands brushing from her waists to her breasts, squeezing as it send a shiver through Clarke’s spine but only in the best way possible. Clarke had never heard anyone tell her that before, not even Finn when she would undress for him. But she didn’t want to think about that right now. All that mattered was Lexa at this moment and _God_ did she want to undress her.

Clarke started fingering the material of Lexa’s shirt, tugging on it. She needed to see her so bad, too. Lexa got the hint and didn’t waste any time to get out of her shirt, leaving both girls completely topless. Clarke took a good moment to look at her and almost swooned, thanking all the Gods she remembered for the girl in front of her. Appreciating the girl worked out so much.

Clarke reached with both hands to Lexa’s stomach, brushing a finger down her abs and it made all her dreams come true. They didn’t feel too hard or too squishy. They were perfectly in balance…

“Clarke?” Lexa raised her voice.

“What?” She jumped and locked eyes with Lexa.

“That’s like the third time I called you.” She chuckled.

Clarke’s cheeks burned slightly red, knowing she was completely caught up in the moment.

“Sorry. I’m here.” She said and pulled Lexa closer, claiming her lips again. They felt so soft and sweet and she knew she could already not get enough of it.

“I love you.” Lexa whispered softly, catching her off guard. She felt the warm air around her become so thick as her words flew right through her. Confessing her love for Lexa was one thing, but hearing Lexa actually say those words back was an incredible feeling. It was a feeling she never thought she needed until now.

Lexa leaned in close again, her nose brushing against Clarke’s and connecting their lips.

“I love you.” Clarke managed to say between kisses.

The moment Clarke captured her lips again she felt the flick of Lexa’s tongue against hers and from this exact moment it all went a little almost too fast. They both pushed down their pants in less than two seconds, not wanting to break any contact.

Lexa slipped her hands behind Clarke, sliding her fingers in her underwear to grip her ass. Clarke canted forward at the touch, effectively grinding her center against Lexa’s… erection? That was _definitely_ it and Clarke mentally slapped herself for not noticing sooner. It was hard not to notice, too, and for a moment Clarke wanted to rethink this but then she felt Lexa squeezing her behind and she totally forgot what she was thinking about.

Lexa started groaning and whimpering every time Clarke grinded against her and it made her knees weak and panties damp.

“I uh- I’m-” Lexa started, half breaking the kiss.

“What? What is it?” Clarke asked worriedly.

“It kinda hurts. Down there.”

Clarke shifted her head. “Really?”

“Yeah, compression shorts.” She breathed out.

Clarke shook her head. Of course they hurt like this.

“Is it okay if I take them off?” Clarke asked softly.

“Yes. Very much.”

Clarke silently reached for shorts, tugging at them gently and not wanting to hurt Lexa. They locked eyes, Clarke searching for any painful expression but never found any. As soon as her shorts fell down, Clarke couldn’t help but to glare at Lexa’s full length dick, her eyes darkened and wide. She was absolutely bigger than Finn and she was almost scared how she wasn’t used to this size.

“It’s really nice.” Clarke managed to get out.

Lexa smiled wide and pushed Clarke back, stumbling to the bed where Clarke laid down, Lexa getting on top of her.

“Can I touch you?” Clarke whispered to her lips and Lexa nodded eagerly.

Clarke sat up straighter and reached down to Lexa’s dick, brushing fingers over it before grabbing her shaft, drawing out long, loud moans from Lexa.

Clarke quickly pressed her free hand to Lexa’s mouth and chuckled.

“Shh. Not so loud.”

“I’m sorry. I also really don’t care right now.” Lexa’s muffled voice sounded in Clarke’s hand and she laughed again.

Clarke started stroking her dick gently, not actually believing she was doing it. But she was, and the pleasure-making sounds Lexa was making totally confirmed it. Clarke noticed already a little pre-cum dripping out as she wrapped her hands around the base of her dick and used it as lubricant and she slowly started to move her hands up and down

“Stop, stop stop stop.” Lexa rushed out and Clarke stilled.

“What?”

“I’m… I _promise_ I can usually last longer than this, but right now, whew…”

Clarke let out a laugh, pressing her lips to Lexa’s again.

“It’s okay. Condom?”

“Yes.”

Clarke nodded immediately and Lexa went to grab the condom from the desk in the room, climbing on top of Clarke again.

She noticed Lexa’s hands were shaking slightly and Clarke only watched impatiently how she managed to slide the condom around her erection. They locked eyes, Lexa asking if she could take off her panties and Clarke nodded. She would lie if she said she wasn’t nervous for her to reveal herself, but on the other hand it was Lexa she would be revealing herself to. There was nothing to be afraid of, she felt safe with Lexa.

With this in Clarke’s mind, she helped Lexa pull down her own panties down her legs. Clarke felt a little embarrassed at her already damp panties, but Lexa didn’t seem to mind as she threw them on the floor. Lexa stilled again, eyes wide as she brushed her fingers over Clarke’s legs and gently caressing them.

Lexa settled between her legs, spreading them wide and took a look at Clarke’s center. It was a beautiful sight with Lexa naked between her legs and she was sure she could get used to this in no time.

Clarke let her knees fall to the side, spreading herself as wide open as she could. Lexa slowly moved forward, gasping as she gently dragged her tip down Clarke’s clit and back up. Clarke let out a moan as soon as she felt Lexa’s erection pressing to her center, needing more. Lexa quietly moaned above her when she purposely pressed against her opening this time and Clarke found herself clenching at the action.

Lexa repeated the action, carefully pressing against her again and Clarke whimpered, Lexa making her opening spreading slightly by the tip of her dick. The next push was a little harder and Clarke gasped when her head slipped inside. This wasn’t Clarke’s first time, but she felt herself stretching in ways she had never been stretched before and she loved the feeling.

Clarke pulled hard on Lexa’s hips and she felt how Lexa buried herself inside her, both moaning out each other’s names when Lexa bottomed out. Clarke clenched immediately around her, the feeling of being so full was almost overwhelming and she couldn’t stop clenching.

She felt Lexa shaking a little when she lift up her head from her neck and locked their eyes.

“You okay?”

Clarke only nodded and threw her a smile. She was more than okay and Clarke wrapped her legs around Lexa’s waist, unmoving, enjoying the intimacy for a minute, getting used to her size. They just stared into each other’s eyes for a little while, still not believing this wasn’t just a dream.

After a minute Clarke was the first to urge Lexa to move, needing more. Lexa complied, starting to thrust in and out of Clarke slowly while her lips were attacking Clarke’s neck. They both didn’t want to rush this but Clarke already knew they were too turned on to set a slow pace so she urged Lexa to move faster.

They were both whimpering messes when Lexa started setting a faster pace, hitting a deep spot inside Clarke she didn’t even know she had. Clarke’s hand slid down Lexa’s arm to lace their fingers together, palms pressed tightly against one another. Lexa moved their hands above Clarke’s pillow and held it there as her thrusts began to get harder and quicker.

Lexa began to make the most sexy noises Clarke had ever heard and she suddenly felt the desire to kiss Lexa in this moment. She pulled Lexa’s bottom lip into her mouth, pulling it gently in her teeth before soothing it with her tongue. Lexa squeezed her hand again, continuing to rut into Clarke like her life depended on it. Clarke moved with every thrust up and when she was close, so close, she tightened her thighs at Lexa’s waist and her heels digging into her ass, feeling Lexa’s balls slap against her.

She felt Lexa’s hips make tiny circles as she pushed into her and it felt so amazingly sweet. She couldn’t help it but her walls started clenching again which made Lexa groan softly. She wanted to make her feel good, too and she thought she was doing pretty well because Lexa panted hard against her neck as she let out amazingly beautiful moans.

Lexa thrusted as deep as she could before bottoming out and pulling back to repeat the motion and their breathing became, quicker, unsteady. Clarke felt she was so close and she figured Lexa was, too by the moans slipping out of her.

“ _God._ I’m coming Lexa.” Clarke rushed out and Lexa nodded shakily, not slowing her thrusts down even a little.

“Me too, God _, Clarke_.”

Hearing Lexa moan out her name send Clarke over the edge and suddenly she found her inner walls clamping down tightly as she began to spasm against Lexa and that’s when Lexa lost it, too. One more powerful thrust was all she needed before she spilled her load into the condom, both letting out the loudest cries of pleasure, Clarke pulling Lexa close as ever with her legs around her. Their hands still locked above Clarke’s head refusing to let go of each other.

Lexa buried her face into Clarke’s neck for a second before rolling off of her, settling immediately next to Clarke, claiming her lips and pulling her close.

“Oh my god.” Lexa breathed against her lips and Clarke chuckled.

“I know.” Clarke said softly, forcing herself to not think it was just a dream. Allowing herself to finally think of Lexa as _hers._ Clarke didn’t think too much about it, besides that it felt so wonderful. And it felt right. It was something she thought she’d never felt before and was afraid she’d never get to feel.

“I promise I can really last longer…” Lexa interrupted her thoughts and Clarke chuckled. She didn’t say anything about it though, she thought it was perfect.

“Lexa, shut up. Just cuddle me.” She laughed softly.

Clarke turned her back to Lexa and Lexa moved in closer, placing her arm around Clarke’s waist, Clarke using her as her personal blanket.

There was no other place Clarke would rather be than in her firm arms. Home should definitely feel like this.

 

____

 

“Good fucking afternoon to you. About time you woke up.” Anya said as she saw Lexa walk down the stairs, followed by Clarke as they awkwardly sat down on the couch.

“Morning.” Was all Lexa said and Clarke could barely hold back her chuckle of Lexa’s sleepy voice.

They hadn’t discussed yet how they would tell their friends or anyone at all. They immediately fell asleep last night and had just woken up two hours ago. They enjoyed the morning in each other’s arms, giving and receiving morning kisses, exchanging ‘I love you’s’ and it all felt too surreal and so intimate.

Everyone was facing Clarke and Lexa and it made Clarke feel a little uncomfortable. It was like they had been waiting all morning for them to wake up and they probably had.

“Were you guys in a coma or something for the night?” Raven said irritated.

“Relax. Let us wake up peacefully please.” Lexa snapped.

“You’re not telling me you _just_ woke up. What the hell were you doing so long?” Raven asked irritated and both girls didn’t know how to react.

“I was just… doing… stuff.” Lexa said slowly and Clarke bit her lip, looking away from everyone. But Octavia noticed something odd about the situation and kept staring at Clarke, eyes squinting.

It was silent until suddenly Octavia gasped loudly.

“Oh my god, I knew it. Clarke is ‘stuff’.” She said and everyone turned to Clarke who was burning red.

“Oh my god, you’re right.” Anya gasped.

“Finally, you guys!” Octavia said happily and high fived Octavia.

“What do you… mean…?” Lexa asked almost shyly and her cheeks burned red.

“I’m so happy for you guys.” Anya squealed as she came to hug Lexa and Clarke which took them both by surprise.

“Me too, but please be less noisy next time.” Octavia said.

“I knew we left a condom in the bathroom. This morning it was gone.” Lincoln shrugged and Clarke wanted to disappear for a while, her cheeks still red.

“You’re welcome by the way.” Lincoln continued and Lexa rolled her eyes, laughing embarrassingly.

“What?! Am I the only one who is surprised by this?” Raven said.

“I’m sorry to tell you honey, but you’re the most naïve person I’ve ever met. But I still love you, don’t worry.” Anya told her.

“I’m not naïve…”

“It doesn’t matter, all I know is that I’m so happy for you two.” Octavia told them and they both threw her a warm smile before locking eyes with each other.

“Aw look at you guys. How did this happen? When?” Anya asked.

Lexa reached for Clarke’s hand, not looking away from her and spoke.

“Last night.”

Clarke mirrored her smile, thinking about last night and how surreal it all sounded.

“So, you love each other or something?” Anya continued.

“Yes.” Clarke said.

“Congrats on turning your crush gay.” Anya said to Lexa and they all laughed.

“Actually Clarke’s bisexual-“ Lexa started but got cut off.

“Crush? You guys knew about this?” Clarke asked, an eyebrow raised.

“Duh. Our little Lexa here was too scared to tell you but she’s been whining about you since like forever.” Anya said.

Clarke laughed and Lexa sighed out shyly.

“Alright that’s enough, we get it.”

“So, breakfast?” Octavia lightly asked.

“Yes, please.” Lexa said and got up. Clarke’s eyes followed her proudly as she got up as well and sat down in front of Lexa at the kitchen table. Lexa eyed her and gently smiled, a smile that could light her up even in her worst days. Right now, all Clarke knew was that looking into Lexa eyes made her realize she could conquer the world, the only thing left to conquer was telling her mother about them.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We continue with the story.

“You’re doing amazing, sweetie.” Clarke said proudly and watched Lexa walk with crutches and her therapist, sweat on her face and grunting, but she was definitely improving.

“Let’s go back.” The therapist said and Lexa took a few seconds to herself to strengthen herself and tried walking back to the bedroom. Half way the hallway Lexa let out a low grunt and almost lost complete balance, but the therapist was there to catch her.

“I’m sorry, I can’t.” Lexa breathed out tiredly. Sweat duplicating on her face.

Clarke had an empathizing look on her face while watching Lexa struggle with this again like she had for the last two weeks.

“You did good today, you walked longer than last time.” The therapist said again and Clarke agreed with him. The guy was kind of tall and good looking, big brown eyes and hair reaching his shoulders. He sat down Lexa in her wheelchair and rode her to her bed again. After, Clarke walked downstairs with him to say goodbye.

“Thank you again, Ilian.” Clarke said as he turned around.

“She’s improving pretty fast in these two weeks. I hope she keeps it up.”

Clarke nodded.

“Absolutely. See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow.” He said and walked to his car. Clarke went upstairs to find Lexa in bed, her eyes closed. Clarke sat down at the edge of the bed, on Lexa’s side.

“I’m proud of you.” Clarke smiled softly, running her fingers through her hair.

“Of what? Of giving up?”

Clarke rolled her eyes.

“You’re really improving, Lexa.”

“I don’t know. I can still only walk on crutches after these weeks of intense rehabilitation.”

“It takes time. Ilian will be here almost every day from now on to practice with you. He’s one of the bests.”

Lexa let out a sigh. “I hope so. He’d better not steal you away from me. I saw you staring.” She said playfully and Clarke snorted.

“Depends. I mean, he must be pretty rich.” Clarke played along and they both laughed at the completely unrealistic situation.

“So, what are we doing for your birthday next week?” Lexa finally asked, sweetly locking their hands together.

“I haven’t really thought about that yet. Maybe we should just skip this year.”

“No way. You’re turning 25. That’s like halfway… of… you know.”

“Halfway my life? I hope not.” Clarke laughed.

“No, it’s halfway 50.”

“So?”

“So it’s important.”

“I don’t know. I don’t really feel like celebrating this year. It’s always too crowded and with your situation right now…”

“We could arrange something small. Just an evening with our closest friends and family. Maybe Aden, too.”

“You’re really bored at home, aren’t you?” She laughed and Lexa let out a deep sigh.

“You have no idea. And I barely have inspiration to write here. I hate it.”

“I know, baby.”

Clarke gently brushed Lexa’s hair from her smiling face, feeling bad for her. She knew how active Lexa always was. She loved going out, discover new places, working out. But right now, all these things were not in her cards.

“I wanted to talk to you about something.” Her voice was soft and she squeezed Clarke’s hand in the most gentle way, making Clarke’s thoughts disappear.

“Okay.”

“Because I was talking to Aden the other day and we ended talking about his dad, Gustus.”

Clarke frowned. “His name is Gustus?”

“Yes, and I did the math…”

“Lexa, no. You actually think he can be your…”

“I don’t know. How crazy would that be? I don’t want to think about it, but I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“That would be a hell of a coincidence.”

“Yeah… I’m just nervous thinking about it.”

“What if it’s not him? Then you worry for nothing.”

Lexa sighed. “Yeah, you’re right.”

Clarke smiled gently, squeezing her hand comforting her.

“You know what else Aden and I talked about?”

“What?”

“Kids. He asked me if I wanted kids, and I said yes.”

Clarke suddenly felt a tingly, warm feeling in her stomach hearing the words. They had discussed this before and Clarke had always loved the thought of becoming a mom, but they both wanted to wait a little while longer for that.

“I mean, we already talked about that once or twice about wanting kids in the future. But then he asked me how we were supposed to do that. Kind of personal if you ask me but that’s the way he is, as you know. Anyway, I didn’t have an answer for that.”

“Okay, what is your point?”

“My point is that maybe I should test myself. You know, it’s not like we want to have kids right now, but I think it’s better to know now than in the future when we actually want to have kids. I want us to be prepared.”

Clarke nodded, a worried smile on her face.

“You know the chance is not very big for you to have kids, right?”

“Yeah, but it’s worth a shot.”

“I agree. And you know what? If you do it, I’ll test myself, too. Just to be sure.”

“Great.” Lexa smiled at her and the whole world around her blurred out for a moment. Clarke would lie if she’d say she had never had the tingly feeling in her belly when she saw a baby somewhere. She loved children and she wanted to have them with Lexa someday. But every time she thought about it, she tried not to get her hopes up because she knew there was a big chance Lexa couldn’t have kids.

Lexa leaned in and kissed her lips very softly before turning on the television.

“So no birthday party this year, deal?” Clarke assured.

“You’re no fun. Where’s my party girl Griffin at?”

“Lexa…”

“What?”

“Do not call me that.”

“But you were. Hey, you know what we could do right now?”

“Do not change the subject.”

“I mean, I am. But-”

Clarke couldn’t help but chuckle.

“But I was thinking, if we want to have kids in the long future, we should practice beforehand. Like a lot. Like, right now.” She leaned into Clarke’s cheek, placing kisses there.

Clarke burst out into laughter. The things she’d say to have Clarke to sleep with her.

“I’m tired.”

“I’m exhausted. But for you, I would gain back my strength.” Lexa winked flirtatious.

“Ugh.” Clarke made a gag-noise. “Stop talking like that or you won’t get laid at all.”

Lexa sat up straight and made a zipper-movement with her hand on her lips. Clarke laughed once again. How could someone be so adorable and incredibly hot all at once?

 

____

 

Finally after a long day of work Clarke drove home. Unfortunately birthdays were no special occasion for the hospital. She couldn’t wait to get home and lay on the couch, her feet up and a cold drink in her hand.

She parked the car, opened the front door only to her surprise to find some of her best friends and family members screaming:

‘‘SURPISE!’’

Clarke widened her eyes and reached for her heart, not expecting such a thing.

“Happy birthday grandma!” Anya said to her, running into her arms. She could’ve expect Lexa arranged a birthday party anyway and even though Clarke had told her she didn’t want to have a party, this was just what she needed after a long day at work; closing up the evening with her closest friends.

“Oh my God, you guys are the worst for not telling me about this.” Clarke laughed out.

Anya was followed by Raven, Lincoln, Octavia, Bellamy, Echo, Indra, Aden, Abby and her boyfriend Marcus. It was kind of a surprise to see her mother here, they hadn’t seen each other in a few months.

“You are unbelievable.” Clarke laughed, pointing and finally walking over to Lexa. She sat down on her lap in the wheelchair Lexa was sitting in and brought her lips to Lexa’s.

“Happy birthday.” Lexa said after a while.

“Thank you.”

“You’re surprised?”

“Yes. Thank you for doing this. I needed this.”

Lexa smiled and pecked her lips one more time before Clarke stood up again to sit down next to her mother. Maybe not the best choice but there wasn’t any other seat left.

She noticed Octavia and Lincoln sitting a few chairs away from each other, which still broke Clarke’s heart. Octavia seemed to be interested in how Aden ended up here and Lincoln was talking to Lexa, a beer in their hands. Clarke still felt bad for Lincoln and Octavia like this. They were always so great with each other and now they couldn’t even look at each other.

“Hi, mom, Marcus. How are you? Long time no see.” Clarke turned to her. It was always a little awkward seeing her mother. Mainly because of what happened a few years ago. It also didn’t really help that her mother didn’t show any interest in Lexa when she had been in the hospital. It was still her mother so Clarke couldn’t just break the contact, she wasn’t strong enough for that.

“Hi Clarke.” Marcus greeted politely.

“I’m fine, how are you?” Her mother said a little arrogant. Just the way she always was.

“Good. I’m good too.”

Usually all their conversations started and ended like this. They never had a strong bond.

“Happy birthday by the way.” Abby quickly added.

“Thanks. You know, you did that. Giving birth of me. On this day.” Clarke sheepishly said, already regretting saying it.

“I did.”

Great. Great conversation. Clarke cleared her throat.

“So, how is work?” Clarke asked.

“As usual. Yours?”

“Not actually work, still an internship. But it’s good. Always busy.”

“You’re not graduated yet?”

Clarke shook her head. Shouldn’t her mother know this?

“When are you graduating?”

“Hopefully in two years.”

“That’s nothing.”

“I guess.” Clarke shrugged weirdly.

Silence. She just wished someone would come and save her right now.

“You know, you could always come home.” Her mother said out of the blue and Clarke frowned deeply. If there was one thing she did not want, was to go back to live with her mom.

“And why would I do that?” Clarke raised an eyebrow, eyeing her mother very carefully.

“I mean, for obvious reasons.” Her mother scoffed.

“What obvious reasons?”

“I can see she is giving you a hard time taking care of her. She will ruin your life like this, you will not graduate on time.” Her mother eyed Lexa as if she was less than herself.

“I’m fine, mom. I just want her to get better. This isn’t about me.”

“You haven’t changed at all, have you?”

Clarke raised both eyebrows, being left speechless.

“I’m sorry I’m not the daughter you wanted me to be.”

“When is the last time Lexa did something for you instead of taking everything from you?”

“What?! Where is this coming from?” Clarke tried not to raise her voice on her own party, but she couldn’t help it.

“I’m tired of seeing you two together. And I can’t escape it, it’s either on TV or at your house. I just _think_ it is really time for you to graduate and move on with your life.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and sighed out deeply. This was _exactly_ the reason why she never talked to her mom. Their conversations would always end up like this, her mother telling her the same old bullshit as ever.

“I think a lot of things like you should’ve been there for us when Lexa was in the hospital.”

She spit out and she just wanted to leave right now. She didn’t feel the need to explain to her mom every single time. It was tiring. And just when she thought about it, Lexa came rolling over in her wheelchair. Thank God for Lexa.

“Clarke, could you help me serve some drinks, please?”

Clarke didn’t know how fast to get up, not saying anything.

When they reached the kitchen, Clarke grabbed some glasses and drinks, pouring in what Lexa told her.

“You okay there with your mom?”

“Sure.”

“It looked like you needed some saving.” Lexa smirked, eyebrows up.

“Yeah actually. I did. Thanks.” Clarke sighed. “I really appreciate you arranging everything, but why did you invite her?”

“Just because she and I are not the greatest friends doesn’t mean I won’t invite her. She’s your mother. She’s never skipped your birthday.”

“I know but-”

“Hey, if you didn’t want me to invite her-”

“No, no. I guess you did good inviting her. I would’ve invited her too. I just… I don’t know. It’s always the same shit. We don’t speak for a few months but she keeps showing up at my birthday and talks shit about you and me and then we don’t speak to each other for another few months.”

“I know.”

“Did she even ask you why you were in a wheelchair?”

“No. She said she saw the news and asked me how I was doing right now.”

“That’s all?”

“That’s more than I expected to be honest. But let’s not worry about that right now.”

“She just doesn’t care and that’s what bothers me the most of all.” Clarke mumbled.

“Let’s not ruin your birthday.” Lexa rolled over and gently grabbed her arm.

Clarke let out a deep sigh. “Yeah, I know.”

Clarke had never known how to feel after everything that happened with her mom. They fought a lot when she was still living at home in high school, mostly about Clarke having to break up with Lexa. They lost contact for years but when they came back to LA to buy a house here, they started talking again. Once or twice in a half year anyway.

Clarke was ready to grab the drinks when Lexa pulled her in her lap again, making her fall half on top of her.

Clarke chuckled.

“Welcome to the club, half ‘fiftyier’.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and laughed.

“Oh God, stop. That sounds so old.” Clarke brought her arms around Lexa’s neck, bringing them closer as Lexa held her hips steady.

It was only now that Clarke noticed how incredibly soft green their eyes were. They lit up differently from other days and she couldn’t exactly figure out why.

“You okay?” Clarke finally asked.

“Absolutely. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not in bed. I’m spending time with everyone I love. With _you._ ”

Clarke nodded, understanding how terrible it must be for her to lay in bed every day without doing anything.

Clarke leaned in only to place the tiniest, gentle kiss on her lips.

“Should we get the drinks?” Clarke smirked.

“ _Or_ , we can stay here for a little while longer as our guests pass out from dehydration.”

Clarke chuckled. It felt so good the way Lexa could make her forget about the negative things.

“ _Or,_ ” Clarke whispered. “We could make everybody leave and go upstairs right now. You know, practice for that one thing you mentioned the other day.”

Lexa’s smile widened before biting her bottom lip and Clarke thought it was so sexy the way she did that.

“Can I make the announcement for people to leave?” Lexa playfully said.

“Sure, just don’t mention the real reason why we’re sending them away.”

They both laughed and Clarke locked their lips once again, very slowly they kissed each other as Clarke placed her cold, gentle hands on Lexa’s cheeks. She felt Lexa relax and soften against her as firm hands straddled her, both enjoying the little time alone with each other.

Clarke was ready to switch sides when a door flew open. Clarke jumped up and immediately stood on her feet, feeling a little embarrassed.

“I- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” The teenager boy said, cheeks a little flushed.

“No, no, you didn’t. I’m sorry we... Yeah… What’s up, Aden?” Clarke swallowed nervously.

“I just figured I could help you with the drinks.”

“Eh sure. Here, the three wines are for the Blakes and Anya. I’ll take the rest.”

Aden simply nodded as he walked out again the serve the drinks. Lexa and Clarke gave each other one more comforting glare before walking out of the kitchen. Right before opening the door, it got opened by Marcus, her mother’s boyfriend. Clarke thought he was pretty alright but a certain level of crazy for being voluntarily with her mother.

“Clarke, can we talk?” He simply said and Clarke nodded as Lexa gave them a little privacy.

“I’m sorry for your mother’s behavior just now. She just misses you.”

“Okay, one, you don’t have to apologize for my mother’s behavior. Two, if you’re apologizing anyway why not do it right in front of her when I needed someone to back me up and three, trust me, she doesn’t want me living with her.”

The man widened his eyes of shock, Clarke figured. She noticed it was a bit rude, but she didn’t want anyone to ruin this evening anymore.

“I always tell her to behave whenever she sees you. She never does anyway.”

“Maybe you should stop telling her then.”

Marcus looked at her dubiously, eyes squinting.

“You know, your mother isn’t all bad. You out of all people should know that.”

“Well, my mom isn’t all good either. Me out of all people knows that too.”

“She tries.”

“I can’t see. She keeps bringing up the same shit over and over again. It’s clear she doesn’t want me to have this life with Lexa. It has been like this since the very beginning.”

“Don’t listen to her. You know what’s best for you.”

It took Clarke by surprise hearing him say it. It sounded like Marcus didn’t agree with her mother after all.

“I’m still with Lexa, aren’t I?”

Marcus gave her a nice grin and a nod.

“I know. Now let’s get back before she suspects something.”

Clarke nodded and she sat down next to her friends. After, they had a lovely evening once Clarke’s mother and Marcus left. Then Indra left too so it was just friends remaining and Aden.

“I’m telling you, he’s a great cook. Better than you, O.” Lexa smiled and Octavia strongly disagreed.

“Well, Aden. Looks like you and I will have to do a cooking competition.” Octavia joked and they all laughed. Even Lincoln did, a tiny sad sparkle in his eyes looking at his ex-girlfriend and it made Clarke feel sad. She knew he was going through a hard time. Octavia was always better at hiding her emotions.

“Can I hire you, Aden? Raven’s the worst cook I know. It’s so bad we pray _after_ we eat.” Anya started.

“Hey! That is not true, don’t believe her. I am great at cooking.” Raven protested.

“Honey, putting cold chicken nuggets on my plate doesn’t count as cooking.”

“It’s sushi…” Raven explained softly.

“Anyway, are you looking for a job after your time’s up here?” Anya asked.

“Actually, I wanted to go to college after my time’s up here. But maybe I can combine it in the weekends.”

“Cool. You should let me know if you do that. If you want.”

Aden smiled wide and nodded as they exchanged numbers.

“Don’t we need to discuss this first?” Raven whispered so softly only Clarke could hear it as well.

“Relax, we don’t have to decide right now.” Anya told her.

“You really think I’m that terrible of a cook?”

“Yes but I still love you. You have many other talents like being smart and beautiful and-.”

“Cooking.”

“I know it’s hard for you to admit there’s something you’re not good at, babe. It’s why I always cook and you don’t.”

“Well, what if I don’t like your food either?”

“Then we’ll _definitely_ hire the boy.”

Raven rolled her eyes at that while Anya laughed about her own joke. Clarke had missed this. She missed spending time with her friends. She missed the way they laughed with each other. It had been a long time since they were all together.

It wasn’t long before Aden left as well and it was just the eight of them left.

“He’s such a cute kid.” Octavia said after he left.

“He’s really great. Helps me with everything.” Lexa said and Clarke could see she was holding back from telling everyone he might be her half-brother.

“How’s your revalidating coming along?” Anya asked as she took a sip of her beer, an arm thrown protectively over her girlfriend.

“Not where I want to be yet. But I’m slowly moving forward.”

“You’ll be fine. You’ve never been a quitter.” Raven said as she caressed Anya’s arm thrown over her.

“It’s how she got Clarke. She just stared at her long enough and stalked her hard enough before she obligated her to be her girlfriend. Poor Clarkey.” Octavia joked and Lexa rolled her eyes.

“Oh shut up. Bellamy, you’re definitely the better Blake.” Lexa joked and they all laughed. Clarke just enjoyed the way Lexa felt a little embarrassed. She looked adorable with her cheeks flushed.

“I agree. Sorry, O.” Echo shrugged and linked her fingers between Bellamy’s.

“Whatever.” Octavia snorted and crossed her arms nonchalantly.

“Guys, I miss this. We should definitely do a date night again soon.” Raven said happily and that’s when the mood changed a little. She quickly corrected herself after locking eyes with Lincoln and Octavia.

“I mean, hang out night. Just hanging out. No dating.”

“Shh.” Anya warned her as everybody felt a little awkward.

“Guys, guys. Hey, come on. We can hang out. No need to be so shy. Lincoln and I will be fine. Right?” Octavia answered.

“Right.” Lincoln only said. A guy from not many words, but Clarke could notice exactly when he meant something or not. Right now, he did not mean it.

“Maybe not anytime soon.” Bellamy answered, giving his sister a warning look.

“It’s fine, really. We’re in the same room right now, aren’t we? We can handle it, right Lincoln?”

“Sure, O. Whatever you want.” Lincoln answered and cleared his throat.

“O, we’ll make plans another time.” Clarke said.

“No, hold on. I talked to him before we both came here. You said you were fine with being in the same room as me.” She turned to Lincoln and everybody remained silent.

“Maybe I said that before I actually saw you and changed my mind.”

“What? Then why wouldn’t you tell me?”

“Because maybe I think it’s better to be able to see you and feel like shit than to not be able to see you and feel like shit anyway.” Lincoln raised his voice a little.

It left Octavia speechless and the silence in the room was killing everyone.

“I thought you got over me.”

“I’m fucking trying to. I’m not like you, getting over someone in _one_ day.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about so just shut up.”

“I do, I know you so damn well.”

“No you don’t! If you would really know me you would know I’m not over you at all.”

Before Lincoln could answer Bellamy stepped in. And thank God because this was getting a little awkward.

“O, another time?”

Octavia sighed out in frustration before calming herself down. Lincoln’s eyes were almost burning a whole to her face, speechless from what he just heard. They all remained silent a little while when Lexa broke it.

“Can I get you guys anything to drink?”

“No, thanks. I think I’m gonna go. Got to get up early tomorrow.” Octavia said as she got up quickly, eyeing Lincoln and hinting him to come with her. It was supposed to be secretively, but Clarke was sure everyone noticed.

“Yeah, me too.” Lincoln said and followed Octavia. Obviously they needed some things to discuss.

Clarke both waved them off and thanked them for coming. She knew they both just wanted to talk right now and so she gave them space.

“I really hope they will talk it out. I thought I would enjoy not seeing them making out all the time, but I have to admit I kind of miss it.” Raven said as they all agreed.

“They’re both so dumb. Idiots. They have to communicate.” Anya said.

“We can’t help them. All we can do is give them time and space to talk about it. We will see what they decide.” Clarke added and noticed Raven already yawning.

“I think we’re going as well. It’s already late.” Bellamy said.

“Us too.” Anya added as they all said goodbye to each other.

After everybody left, Clarke helped Lexa get out of her wheelchair and carried her all the way up to their bedroom. She was glad Lexa wasn’t too heavy, but it still wore her out.

They changed into their pajamas and laid down in bed with a long, deep sigh.

“Had fun?” Lexa eyed her sweetly.

“Yeah. Thank you for tonight.” It was genuine, the tone in her voice. But right now, all she wanted to do is just spend time with Lexa and sleep. It was the perfect way of recharging after a heavy day at work.

“Of course. Hey, I didn’t give you your present yet. Mostly because I wanted to give you privately. And it’s right here under the bed.”

Lexa reached under their bed before Clarke could say anything and handed her an envelope.

Clarke frowned cocky.

“Are you giving me money?”

Lexa rolled her eyes and laughed. “Not so fast gold-digger.”

“Oh my G- don’t call me that.” Clarke whined, chuckling a little. “My mom thinking I’m a gold-digger is already bad enough.”

Lexa burst out into laughter, not expecting such a comment. “Your mom thinks that?”

“Yes!”

“Are you?” Lexa asked playfully.

Clarke playfully slapped away Lexa’s arm on her leg.

“Stop that, Woods.” She said serious, pointing her finger at her. “Now give me my money- I mean my present.” She joked and they both laughed again. Clarke was glad they never forgot how to have fun after all these years.

“Okay, open it.” Lexa said as she handed the envelope.

Clarke smiled and carefully opened the envelope mysteriously. Then she pulled out two… tickets?

“What is this?” Clarke asked curiously, holding the tickets close to her eyes to read it.

“These are plane tickets.”

Clarke widened her eyes. Lexa never gave her such a surprise.  

“Oh my... To where? When? Why so expensive?”

“Snow Valley Mountain.”

Clarke widened her eyes before softening them. The name itself already made her feel warm inside, it reminded her of such a great time. It was probably the most romantic trip she had ever had and to relive that again, was more than she ever hoped for.

“Lexa… I love it.” She smiled and leaned in to kiss Lexa happily. She left a trail of kisses on her cheeks before putting her arms around her neck, always loving the way how warm and welcoming Lexa felt.

“Thank you.” Clarke said and placed another kiss on her smiling lips before taking a better look to the tickets.

“I booked the same house we were in from when we were there years ago. They renovated it too.”

“You did? This is so lovely. I really love it.” Clarke cupped her cheek, swiping her thumb across her cheek and then her bottom lip.

“I’m glad.”

“When are we leaving? For how long?”

“I figured it’d be best to go when I would be able to walk a little better. Illian said that could take another two months for sure so we’ll leave in two months and a bit, right before Christmas. I booked us five days, okay?”

“Lexa, that must’ve been so expensive. You didn’t have to do that.”

“I don’t want you to look at that. I just want us to have a good time together. It’s my present to _you_.” Lexa said after she stroke away a stray of hair from Clarke’s face.

Clarke sighed and then nodded. “Yeah. Okay. You’re right. I will take a few days off from work by then.”

Lexa nodded once again and eyed her carefully, searching for a change in her eyes and Clarke knew exactly what change she was looking for.

“I’m a little tired.” Clarke explained.

“What? You’re not breaking tradition by skipping the bonus present this year, are you?” Lexa said as she was already reaching for Clarke’s top, fingering the material.

It made Clarke chuckle as she let Lexa kiss her way up to her neck, slowly pulling off her top. They had never skipped their tradition of having tons of sex on their birthdays, not since they started dating and Clarke wasn’t really planning on skipping it this year, but it was way more fun to make Lexa think she wanted to skip this year.

“I don’t know, it’s been a tough day.” Clarke tried not to laugh as she laid her head back to give Lexa more space to kiss her there.

“I know, but I can make it better.” Lexa said in between hasty kisses as she worked herself up to Clarke’s tasty lips.

“Can you? You’re so full of yourself.” Clarke kissed her back when Lexa took one of her nipples between her fingers and started playing with it.

“Wanna bet?” Lexa said lowly against her lips.

Clarke switched looks from her hungry eyes to Lexa’s swollen, bruised lips.

“We already know I take bets very seriously.”

With one unexpected movement Lexa turned Clarke around so she was laying on her stomach. It made Clarke relax and worked up at the very same time. She loved when Lexa took control.

When Lexa took off Clarke’s pants and stripped herself as well, she leaned over her, making contact with her bare breasts on Clarke’s back and all she wanted to do was turn around to see her, but Lexa didn’t let her.

Lexa kissed her way up from her spine to her neck, whispering low in her ear.

“I take bets very seriously too.”


End file.
